Proper Wedding Reception Etiquette
Some things are a matter of opinion, while others are truly a matter of etiquette. You might think it is a fabulous idea to change into a second bridal gown and different wedding jewelry for your wedding reception, while your mother might think that a bride should wear her original bridal gown and pearl wedding jewelry for the entire event. That is a question of taste, not of etiquette. Things become a matter of wedding etiquette when they involve how others are being treated or whether they are being embarrassed. Making a boring toast might drag the reception down, but it is not in poor taste; talking about how wild the bride was before she met the groom is definitely a breach of etiquette!
The worst breaches of wedding reception etiquette typically occur when the bride and groom focus more on money than on their guests. The most glaring example of this is the cash bar. It is never acceptable to invite someone to be your guest and then demand that they pay for their own refreshments. Not even if your mom says it is okay or you have been to other receptions with cash bars. The correct approach is to serve what you can afford and to do it graciously. If that means you only have beer and wine, fine. If it means you do not have any alcohol at all, that is also fine. What is not fine is expecting guests to whip out their wallets at any point during your wedding.
Which brings us to the next point of wedding etiquette…your guests should not need any money at your reception. This includes things like tips for the coat check attendant and paying the parking valet. They should be prepaid by the hosts, with a notice to that effect prominently displayed so the guests know they should not tip. Sometimes the question arises of who should get the money from the tip jar at the bar; some people say it should go to the bartender, while others say it goes to the bride. The correct answer is neither, because there should not be a tip jar on the bar at a wedding! If you notice that the bartender has put one out, kindly ask him to remove it, and assure him that you will be covering his gratuity at the end of the evening.
One of the most important aspects of hosting a wedding is attending to the comfort and ease of your guests. There are several ways in which to do this politely. First of all is to seat elderly guests away from speakers and other noisy parts of the room (including the table of your rowdiest friends!). In addition, the guests of honor should be seated closer to the head table. This means that the “prime” tables are usually reserved for the immediate family of the newlyweds, while the ones near the kitchen door are generally inhabited by your co-workers. Speaking of seating etiquette, it is fine to have as many parents’ tables as it takes to make everyone comfortable. Divorced parents should each be the head of their own table. It is rarely a good idea to seat the bride’s divorced parents at the same table for the pretense of having one big happy family.
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