Asymmetrical Bridal Parties
Sometimes choosing the bridal party is easy: the bride and groom each have an equal number of friends or relatives that they would like to invite to be their attendants. But what if the bride wants a different number of attendants than the groom? The good news is that it is perfectly acceptable to have an asymmetrical bridal party. Here is how to handle it graciously.
There is no need to scramble around to find another body to even out the numbers. You should only invite those who you truly wish to have with you. If the bride has three attendants and the groom has five, no one is going to assume that it means she is less popular than he is! Better to have three attendants you really love than five that you barely know.
During the processional, the groomsmen will be standing up at the altar with the groom, so there is no question of how to manage unequal numbers. The music plays, the bridesmaids come gliding down the aisle in their beautiful dresses and bridesmaid jewelry, the bride makes her grand entrance, and everyone heads up to the altar. At this point, the first question of unbalanced sides may arise. If there is only a difference of one or two people, simply have the bridesmaids stand by the bride and the groomsmen by the groom in the usual fashion. If, however, the sides are more disparate in size, you could ask your officiant about having only the maid of honor and best man stand by the bride and groom for the ceremony; the rest of the attendants can be seated in nearby chairs.
Okay, so the ceremony is finished, the groom has kissed the bride, and it is time for the recessional, now what? When there is one more female attendant in the wedding party, the best man can have the honor of escorting two lovely ladies in their fabulous bridesmaid dresses and jewelry back up the aisle. He simply extends an arm to each one. If the gentlemen outnumber the ladies, a nice idea is to let the maid of honor walk up the aisle unescorted, which will simply help to single her out as the bride’s chief honor attendant. Having different numbers of attendants on the bride’s side and the groom’s side is one of those things that can drive a bride crazy, but in truth it is no problem at all.
Reasons Not to Be a Bridesmaid
It is a very big honor to be asked to participate in a friend’s wedding. In fact, being invited to be a bridesmaid is one of the things in our society that should only be turned down in very special circumstances, and even then it must be done carefully. That said, however, there are times when a woman should decline the request to be a bridesmaid in a wedding.
There are not many good reasons to decline an invitation to be an honor attendant, but there are some that are valid and socially acceptable. One of the most likely reasons is finances. It is frankly very expensive to be in a wedding, often costing as much as a couple of thousand dollars. By the time you have paid for the dress, the bridesmaid jewelry, the airfare, and the hotel, the costs can really add up!
Pregnancy is another valid excuse to opt out of being a wedding attendant. If the wedding is within a month or so of your due date, it is highly unlikely that you will feel up to standing at the altar during the ceremony. This is also one of the few times that it is acceptable to drop out of a wedding that you had agreed to be in. The bride should understand, and treat her pregnant friend as an honored guest instead of a bridesmaid.
Another reason not to be a bridesmaid is if you do not approve of the bride’s choice of husband. This can be a very difficult situation, especially if your friend was not previously aware of your feelings. There is a strong possibility that the friendship may not survive, but if you have serious concerns about your friend’s future husband, you should not be an honor attendant at their wedding. It would be highly hypocritical to do so.
Most of the time it is wonderful and exciting to take part in a friend’s wedding. On the rare occasion when this is not the case, you must find a way to extricate yourself from the situation gracefully. Your goal should be to get out of the wedding while keeping your friendship with the bride intact.
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