Be a Bridesmaid for Less!

October 29th, 2011

The bridesmaid dress is always an issue. They are generally very expensive, and rarely does the bride choose a dress you would actually ever wear again. There are a few ways to improve the situation. If the bride has expensive taste, you can look into renting designer dresses for the wedding. There are a few websites that offer this service, and it can be a fantastic option for weddings, since you pay a small fraction of the original price of the dress. This can be a great alternative to purchasing a dress that will be banished to the back of your closest for all eternity. Add some gorgeous bridesmaid jewelry, and you will be good to go!

If a designer gown rental service does not work for your group, propose to the bride that you shop for bridesmaid dresses at stores that have special occasion collections, rather than traditional bridal salons. When you can buy from a major chain, you will have a good range of size options (many stores offer the same dress in petites, misses, and womens’ sizes), which means fewer expensive alterations. Better yet, if you time it well, you might be able to take advantage of sales and promotions to get deep discounts on the dresses. Best of all, a classic cocktail dress is a style you will be more likely to wear again than a traditional bridesmaid dress.

It is often travel and accommodations that push the cost of being a bridesmaid so high. With a little effort, you may be able to keep these expenses under control. Explore different ways of getting to the wedding, such as flying at off hours or driving with a friend to split the cost of fuel. Ask the bride if she has a friend who would be able to host you for the weekend of the wedding, rather than paying for a hotel room. If you will be traveling to attend her bridal shower, these same tips apply.

Finally, get creative when it comes to buying the wedding gift. Instead of buying a crystal vase from the registry, shop around for a unique and beautiful one from a vintage or thrift store.  By the time you have saved on your bridesmaid dress and accessories, travel, and gifts, you might find that being a bridesmaid does not have to cost an arm and a leg after all!

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What to Do About Issues With Bridesmaids’ Appearances

December 10th, 2010

First let it be said that a bride should never choose her attendants based on how they look. That said, it is only natural to want for everyone in your wedding party to look their best. You are going to be looking at those wedding photos for the rest of your life, after all – if you don’t really want your sister’s blue hair to be the first thing that jumps out of the pictures that is understandable. While you cannot ask bridesmaids to change who they are for your wedding, if your sister had brown hair when you invited her to be a bridesmaid and then dyed it blue a month before the big day, it might not be out of line to see if she could dye it back before the wedding. However, if she has always liked unconventional colors for her hair, and her hair was neon pink when you asked her to be a bridesmaid, you really could not say much, because you should have known what to expect.

What about tattoos? Can a bride ask a bridesmaid to cover her tattoos for the wedding? In general, the answer is no, unless they are likely to offend the other guests. Certainly tattoos which have foul language or nudity should be covered up for an event as solemn as a wedding ceremony – blame it on your grandmother’s delicate sensibilities if you have to. If the bridesmaid’s ink is not patently offensive, you can’t really demand that she cover her tattoos – but you can give all of the bridesmaids wraps to wear for your wedding ceremony.

Then there is the matter of piercings.  A discreet nose stud is really nothing to get worked up over in this day and age, but more aggressive facial piercings (a chin stud, a big hoop in the eyebrow) may be hard for some brides to handle. I hate to say it, but a bride cannot really demand that her bridesmaids take out all of their piercings to be in her wedding. However, she can get gifts of bridal jewelry for the wedding party and request that her attendants wear them for the day. Maybe the pierced bridesmaid will get the hint that the only jewelry which is really proper for that day is the bridal jewelry you got for your wedding party.

A great way to manage a bridesmaid with a distracting appearance is to work with your photographer instead of discussing it with the bridesmaid. Rather than insist that she change how she looks, consider asking the photographer to position the bridesmaid so her tattoos are less visible. Another idea is to take advantage of all the wonderful things that can be done with Photoshop; you can remove tattoos, make facial piercings magically disappear, even tone down a vivid hair color. It won’t change anything for the wedding day itself, but at least you will be able to enjoy your wedding photographs.

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What to Do About Your Bridesmaids’ Boyfriends

April 1st, 2010

When planning a wedding, it can turn into a real numbers game, especially where the budget becomes an issue. Many brides struggle with whether or not they have to invite the boyfriends of their bridesmaids (or girlfriends of their groomsmen) to the wedding, the rehearsal dinner, and so forth. And if they are invited, how do you seat them for the wedding dinner? These questions and more about dealing the with bridal party’s significant others are answered here.

Traditionally speaking, a bride never has to invite a person “and guest” to her wedding. It is mandatory to invite the spouses of all guests, including the bridal party. Where things get dicey is the gray area: boyfriends or girlfriends of the bridesmaids and groomsmen. A good rule of thumb is that if anyone in your wedding party has a live in partner, that person should be invited to the wedding. When it comes to the dates of the rest of the wedding party, you should also definitely ask any long-term boyfriends or girlfriends to attend.

The wedding party, should not however, bring “dates”, people with whom they do not have an ongoing relationship, because they will not get to spend much time with them during the wedding anyway. Remember that as the bridesmaids are marching down the aisle in their beautiful dresses and bridesmaid jewelry, their dates will be sitting alone in the pews. In many cases, the bridal party will sit at a head table without their dates, so once again, the person they brought will be without them. This is why inviting a casual date to a wedding is always a bad idea for a member of the bridal party.

Once the bride and groom have reached a decision about where to draw the line about significant others, they then need to think about how best to include those guests in the wedding festivities. It is only reasonable for the significant other of a bridesmaid or groomsmen to be invited to the rehearsal dinner if they are invited to the wedding, especially if the event will be out of town. When possible, try to seat the wedding party with their significant others at the wedding reception, or at least nearby. The members of your bridal party are sure to appreciate your effort to show consideration for their partners and themselves.

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Quiz: How Should Bridesmaids Be Treated?

March 8th, 2010

Every bride has bridesmaids, but not every bride has the same reputation amongst her bridal party. Some are called bridezilla behind their backs, while other brides are known as being gracious. Take this quiz to find out if you know how you should treat your bridesmaids.

  1. The main purpose of bridesmaids is:

    a. to lend support to the bride and to help her celebrate a joyous occasion in her life

    b. to run errands, throw parties, and generally be at the bride’s beck and call for a year

    c. who knows?

  2. True or false: bridesmaids are obligated to throw the bride a bridal shower and a bachelorette party.

  3. The bride should show her appreciation for her attendants in the following way:

    a. by asking as little of them as possible

    b. giving them thoughtful bridesmaid gifts, such as jewelry or engraved silver items

    c. bridesmaid gifts? The honor of being in my wedding is all the gift any bridesmaid needs!

  4. If one of my former bridesmaids asked me to be in her wedding, I would be:

    a. delighted! I can’t wait to help my friend as much as she helped me with my wedding.

    b. irritated; why should I spend all that time and money being in a wedding?

    c. terrified! Did she invite me just to get revenge for the way I acted when she was my bridesmaid?

Answers:

1.a. Bridesmaid should be there to help the bride with minor wedding planning as their schedules allow, but their main purpose is just to be there in friendship for the bride on her wedding day. Far too many brides forget that bridesmaids are not their indentured servants!

2.False. Bridesmaids are under no obligation to throw any parties for the bride. It is true that bridesmaids will often get together to plan a shower, but they certainly do not have to, and the bride should never tell them to give her a party.

3.b. Show your bridesmaids how much you appreciate them with thoughtful bridesmaid gifts! Items with lasting value like jewelry or picture frames tend to be among the most popular gift ideas. Although it is kind to ask little of your attendants, it is not enough of a gift. And no, being in your wedding is not such a high honor that a proper present becomes unnecessary.

4. a. Of course you should be happy to get to return the favor when a former bridesmaid comes to you! After all, she is probably relying on the experience of a friend who is already married to help her figure out how to plan her wedding. It is not so nice to be irritated by a friend’s attempt to honor your friendship by inviting you to be in her wedding. For those who chose c, if you were such a bridezilla that you fear retribution, well…turnabout is fair play!

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Handy Tips for Bridesmaids

September 16th, 2009

Here are some handy tips for bridesmaids to help you be the best bridesmaid a bride could ever have.

Tip No. 1: Assume that the bride will go a little crazy, and be there to pull her back from the brink. A wedding is such an emotionally charged time that even the most level headed bride is sure to have some stressful moments. When she is on the verge of a breakdown because the printer spelled her name wrong on the invitations or her fiance chose a golf weekend with his buddies over a trip to a wedding show, a good bridesmaid will help the bride to calm down. Take her out to dinner or a funny movie, and help take her mind off of the wedding for a few hours until she has calmed down.

Tip No. 2: Anticipate the bride’s needs as much as possible. You know that her mother drives her crazy? Then run interference at the bridal shower and occupy her mother with an engaging conversation to keep her away from the bride. You know your friend dreads shopping? Then make appointments for her at the bridal shops and take her to find the perfect gown. If the bride is a people pleaser? Let her think that you love the bridesmaid dress that she has chosen, even if you hate the color. You can always spruce it up with some fabulous bridesmaid jewelry to make it look prettier, and the bride will be happy if she believes that you are happy.

Tip No. 3: Be prompt and responsible. If the bride says that everyone needs to have their deposits into the bridal shop for bridesmaid dresses by Saturday, get yours in on Thursday.  Don’t be that one girl that the bride has to chase down for everything.

Tip No. 4: Take the time to look your best for her wedding.  Be sure that your nails are freshly manicured and get your hair styled. Do not show up to the wedding in a dress that is wrinkled, shoes that are scuffed, or bridesmaid jewelry that needs to be polished. It is bound to make the bride feel like you did not care enough about her wedding (even if you are genuinely overjoyed for her). After all, part of being a great bridesmaid is being a considerate friend.

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The Pregnant Bridesmaid Dilemma

September 2nd, 2009

When you find out that one of your bridesmaids is going to have a baby, naturally your first reaction is going to be joy. After all, she is one of your closest friends, or even a sister, so you will be thrilled about her good news. It would be only natural, however, to also have some concerns about how this new development will impact your wedding. Of course, you wouldn’t say anything about it at the time your friend is sharing her joyous news, but it is only human to have that selfish moment where you wonder what this is going to do to your wedding party. As long as you handle the situation with tact and thoughtfulness, everything can surely be worked out in a positive way.

Of course one of the biggest questions is how close your bridesmaid’s due date is to your wedding date. If she is going to be in her 9th month, or perhaps even have the baby shortly before your wedding, it would be best all around if she resigns her role as bridesmaid. There is no easy way to suggest to a friend that she should drop out of your bridal party, and so you should not ask her to. It would be perfectly fine, however, to mention to her that you would not be at all offended if she felt like planning to be in your wedding right around her due date was too much to manage. The chances are that she will be relieved to be let off the hook without hurting your feelings.

Often when a bridesmaid cannot practically serve, you can find another ceremonial role for her in honor of your close relationship that will be less demanding. You could ask her to do a reading during your ceremony or perhaps to sit by the guest book and greet your guests as they enter the reception. These special duties will let everyone know that this person is important to you, yet they will not be physically taxing for a woman who is advanced in her pregnancy.

Whether she is able to participate in the wedding ceremony or not, be sure to include your pregnant bridesmaid in all of the pre-wedding festivities and to give her one of the bridesmaid gifts. Even if in the end she cannot attend your wedding, the bridesmaid gifts and party invitations are a way of letting her know how much you value her friendship. Because it is friendship, after all, that is the whole point of having bridesmaids stand up with you at your wedding.

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Firing a Bridemaid

July 22nd, 2008

Presumably, the bride invites certain women to be her bridesmaids because they are her closest friends. Occasionally, though, it just doesn’t work out, and it becomes necessary to fire a bridesmaid.

Before kicking anyone out of the wedding party, ask yourself a few questions. Is your friend really behaving badly, or is she reacting to unreasonable demands being made by the bride (which is frequently the underlying issue)? Is this a person that you are hoping to keep as a friend? If the bridesmaid in question is your sister (or future sister-in-law), you can pretty much forget about firing her, no matter how appalling her behavior may be.

So what are some legitimate reasons for releasing a bridesmaid from service? The most egregious reason would be that she had an affair with the groom (whether it happened recently or in the distant past, either would be cause to fire her at once). A less heinous, but still serious reason, would be if the bride discovered that her friend did not support her choice of husband.

If you have reached the conclusion that one of your bridesmaids does need to be dismissed, let her down as gently and graciously as you can; if you have already handed out the bridesmaid gifts, don’t demand that she return hers. Break the news to her in person (and in private), or in a handwritten letter if you just can’t face her. Don’t dump a bridesmaid by email or by having a third party do it.

Although firing a bridesmaid is not easy, sometimes it is the only way to maintain your sanity and enjoy your wedding. If an attendant is causing the bride to be stressed and miserable, then dismissing her may be the best option. Hopefully, by choosing her bridesmaids thoughtfully after careful deliberation, a bride can avoid having to take that difficult step.

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