When the Groom Gets Cold Feet

December 9th, 2009

It happens: you get engaged, are buzzing along happily planning the wedding, when all of a sudden your husband-to-be drops a bombshell: he has cold feet and wants to postpone the wedding. Once you get over the initial shock and horror, you will have to decide on your next move. Here is some help to assist you in navigating through the various scenarios until you find one that you can live with.

For some grooms, the closer they get to the wedding day, the more panicked they become. Maybe it was just a dull nagging anxiety nine months ago when he first popped the question and presented you with the wedding jewelry. Then perhaps as the plans picked up steam and you went shopping together to pick out wedding bands and the rest of your bridal jewelry, his palms got a bit sweatier. With the actual wedding day in sight, his level of stress may rise so high that he feels the need to bolt.

Cold feet may certainly signal that he is unsure about the course the two of you are taking, or that he has an insurmountable fear of commitment, but it also might not mean that at all. Maybe he wants to spend the rest of his life with you but fears that marriage will somehow change a relationship that he feels is perfect just the way it is. Or maybe his parents have been divorced and remarried, so he is nervous about taking the plunge. The key question is whether he is experiencing temporary pre-wedding jitters, which can be overcome, or a true doubt about the future of the relationship, which is far more serious.

If you are the bride in this situation, you have several options. The first is to suggest that you put the wedding aside and spend a few weeks completely apart to allow time to for deep reflection. Another option for some couples is to put the wedding on hold and live together first to be sure that getting married is right for both of you. The final option when the groom gets cold feet is for the bride to cut her losses and move on. Whatever you decide in the end, just be certain that it is a decision that you can live with for the long term.

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