How to Get Your Fiance Interested in the Wedding

If we are honest about, wedding planning has always been the purview of the bride and her mother. These days, many of the old notions of traditional roles for men and women have broken down, and so brides naturally expect that their guys will be as into the wedding as they are. This can be a mistaken assumption, however. Before you get too worked up over your fiance’s lack of interest in the details of planning your wedding, ask yourself if he is generally interested in the types of things which are part of a wedding like flowers, decorations, and fashions. If the answer is not so much, then it should really be no surprise that he is not super helpful when it comes to designing the dream wedding.

Now that we have reasonable expectations, it is time to get that groom interested and motivated! Playing to his areas of interest and expertise will help to get him more involved. As most women have noticed, even the most disinterested groom will find time to show up for the menu sampling and cake tasting appointments! Instead of trying to get his opinion in areas where he may truly have no preference (like the flowers or invitations), get him to help with the parts of the wedding which do appeal to him, like the food and the music.

Giving the groom genuine responsibilities can also help to get him off the couch and helping with plans. Of course, this means relinquishing some of the control over the final product, so before you work too hard to get your fiance to help, be sure that it is worth it to you! After all, why should he put in a lot of effort if you are going to step in and overrule him at the last minute? Let him pick the limo company and the groomsmen gifts, so that he can take ownership of some of the wedding.

A final tip is to break up wedding stuff with regular couple’s activities. One of the top complaints that many grooms have is how all-consuming wedding planning can become for the bride. Try to give him a break from the planning, and maybe you will get a more enthusiastic participant. And if all else fails, fall back on the old standby and plan the wedding with your mother!

When the Groom Gets Cold Feet

It happens: you get engaged, are buzzing along happily planning the wedding, when all of a sudden your husband-to-be drops a bombshell: he has cold feet and wants to postpone the wedding. Once you get over the initial shock and horror, you will have to decide on your next move. Here is some help to assist you in navigating through the various scenarios until you find one that you can live with.

For some grooms, the closer they get to the wedding day, the more panicked they become. Maybe it was just a dull nagging anxiety nine months ago when he first popped the question and presented you with the wedding jewelry. Then perhaps as the plans picked up steam and you went shopping together to pick out wedding bands and the rest of your bridal jewelry, his palms got a bit sweatier. With the actual wedding day in sight, his level of stress may rise so high that he feels the need to bolt.

Cold feet may certainly signal that he is unsure about the course the two of you are taking, or that he has an insurmountable fear of commitment, but it also might not mean that at all. Maybe he wants to spend the rest of his life with you but fears that marriage will somehow change a relationship that he feels is perfect just the way it is. Or maybe his parents have been divorced and remarried, so he is nervous about taking the plunge. The key question is whether he is experiencing temporary pre-wedding jitters, which can be overcome, or a true doubt about the future of the relationship, which is far more serious.

If you are the bride in this situation, you have several options. The first is to suggest that you put the wedding aside and spend a few weeks completely apart to allow time to for deep reflection. Another option for some couples is to put the wedding on hold and live together first to be sure that getting married is right for both of you. The final option when the groom gets cold feet is for the bride to cut her losses and move on. Whatever you decide in the end, just be certain that it is a decision that you can live with for the long term.

Wonderful Striped Wedding Attire

Stripes are fresh and crisp, tailored and classic. They can be formal and restrained, as in a pin stripe suit. Stripes can be exuberant when they are done in a rainbow of bright colors. They can be vertical, horizontal, printed or woven, even made from ribbon embellishments. With all this variety, it is no wonder that stripes are one of the best patterns to choose when dressing your wedding party.

You can find some amazing striped dresses for your bridesmaids. The most classic are a two color stripe, woven in a fairly stiff fabric. This looks fantastic for a knee length strapless dress, in any color. If you are having a preppy wedding, pink and green stripes are perfect, especially when paired with pearl bridesmaid jewelry. For summer weddings, you cannot beat the fresh and easy look of seersucker striped bridesmaid dresses, in pink and white or blue and white. The classic elegance of pearl bridesmaid jewelry also looks pretty with this style of dress, and will not compete with the patterned fabric.

For a formal wedding, I love the look of a ball skirt made from wide tonal stripes (which have a very subtle contrast between colors). Rich gold tones created in wide vertical stripes look magnificent and grand. The top of the ensemble can be a fitted strapless or square neck top in a solid color that matches one of the stripes, a cashmere twinset, or even a white wrap blouse in a dressy taffeta. The last style also works beautifully for the mother of the bride or groom.

The men in the wedding will also look handsome in stripes. A very subtle pinstripe or even a chalk stripe suit can be a nice option for a fairly formal wedding which is not black tie. Just be sure that the effect is not overly business like, and avoid double breasted pinstripe styles, which look more mafioso than stylish. A solid suit can be made more interesting with the addition of a striped shirt. This looks especially nice for a summer wedding when the groom and his groomsmen will be wearing linen suits. A pastel striped shirt adds a nice detail to the mix. And of course, don’t forget about dressing up a solid suit and shirt with a boldly striped repp tie.

Even the bride can get into the act. A white on white seersucker stripe would be fresh and beautiful for a spring or summer bridal gown. The detail is very subtle, but so pretty when seen up close. You can also find some wonderful wedding dresses which have horizontal or vertical bands of lace, which creates a striped effect. Pearl bridal jewelry with crystal accents would be a lovely finishing touch, especially if the lace is beaded.

Grooms’ Favorite Wedding Ideas

Everyone knows that weddings are really the bride’s purview. Yet these days, grooms are more involved than ever in the wedding planning process, and many of them are bringing their own ideas into play. Here are some of the favorite ideas that grooms have contributed to their weddings.

If you ask any groom what part of the wedding concerns him the most, he is likely to say the food. One trend that grooms can really get behind is serving comfort food, especially for the cocktail hour. Pigs in blankets on silver platters, sleeves of crispy fresh “pommes frites” (french fries), milkshake shots and mac and cheese cups are all high on the list of things that grooms really love to see on their menu. Serve these foods, and you can bet that your guests will love them as well.

Another idea that grooms really go for is the groom’s cake. These cakes are custom made by specialty bakers in a design that represents an interest of the groom’s. It could be a cake shaped like his dog, or sculpted to look like his favorite car, or even the helmet of his favorite NFL team. The point is that the groom’s cake is one part of the wedding that is all about him, even in the most formal and traditional white wedding. Best of all, the groom’s cake is traditionally chocolate.

Something else that grooms love is to have some sort of activity at the wedding reception, beyond dancing and eating. Casino nights have become a popular form of entertainment at some weddings. It can be done in a very hip sort of way (although not every bride is going to go for this idea, no matter how well it is executed). This can tie in well with groomsmen gifts that have a poker theme. The nice thing about those types of groomsmen gifts is that they are a signal to the groom’s buddies that he still intends to hang with them on poker night after he is married.

The more the groom becomes involved with planning his wedding, the better. It will give him a chance to be a part of the festivities, and it also gives the bride a fresh take on what a wedding should be like. When the bride and groom plan their wedding together, the day will feel even more special to both of them.

A Quiz for Grooms

See how much you already know and what more you need to learn with this fun quiz for grooms…

1. During the wedding ceremony, when does the groom walk down the aisle? Is it:

   a. right before the bride

   b. immediately following the bride

   c. arm in arm with the bride

2. What parts of a wedding is the groom traditionally responsible for financing?

   a. the bride’s wedding jewelry, her bouquet, and the honeymoon

   b. all of the flowers and the band

   c. nothing

3. True or false: the groom should give his attendants groomsmen gifts to thank them for being in the wedding?

4. Which is more formal, black tie or white tie?

5. What is the cost of the average American wedding?

   a. $8,000

   b. $18,000

   c. $28,000

Answers:

1. Sorry guys, this was a trick question right off the bat! The correct answer is none of the above. The groom and the groomsmen do not walk down the aisle during the processional at all. They make their way to the altar from the side, and wait there during the processional.

2. a. The groom traditionally was responsible for the bride’s wedding jewelry (including her engagement ring, wedding band, and a gift of jewelry to be worn at the wedding), the bride’s bouquet (but not the rest of the flowers), and the honeymoon trip.
   

3. True. It is customary to show your appreciation for your attendants with nice groomsmen gifts. Classic choices include silver pocketknives, engraved flasks, and silver cufflinks.

4. White tie is the most formal, and is rarely seen these days.

5. c. The average cost of an American wedding is around $28,000, and can run considerably more in certain cities.

So how did you do? Are you a wedding planning MVP yet, or still waiting to be called up from the minor leagues? Whichever the case, if you do your best to help the bride and keep her feeling happy and relaxed, you are sure to have a terrific wedding.

Should the Groom Get a Say in the Gown?

Tradition holds that it is unlucky for the groom to see the bride in her wedding gown before the ceremony. However, more and more couples are bucking this custom. In some cases, the groom even gets to help pick out the bride’s dress! This got me to thinking, just how much say should the groom have in selecting the wedding gown?

When the young couple is paying for the wedding themselves, they will need to come up with a detailed budget. This means that even traditional brides who intend to keep their gowns a surprise until they walk down the aisle may still have to allow the groom a voice when it comes to the price of the gown. Now personally, I frown on this, because most men have no clue about how much it costs to look fabulous, but in the interest of fairness, if joint funds are being used, the groom should probably get at least some say on the appropriate price range for the bridal gown, veil, and handcrafted bridal jewelry. Of course, if you do not want your fiance to have even this much influence on your gown selection, you might want to set aside your own separate funds beyond the general wedding budget so that you can spend whatever you feel is necessary to get your dream gown.

It is very important to most brides that their future husbands will be wowed by them the moment that they walk down the aisle. To this end, they are often very nervous about picking a gown that he will like. One way to get some input without giving everything away is to ask him his general likes and dislikes about dresses. Of course, you may not get very far with this, because a lot of men do not have strong opinions when it comes to ladies’ fashion! But if you think about it, you probably have a pretty good sense of his taste. Does he always compliment you when you wear a certain dress? Then you can use that as your jumping off point.

For those who are very concerned about the groom loving the wedding gown, the final step is to actually take him dress shopping. To be frank, I am not a big fan of this, as I think that it takes away from the bride’s big reveal on wedding day, but more and more brides do choose to go this route. This is especially true when the couple is assuming joint responsibility for the purchase of the gown, and she wants to make sure that he is happy with their investment (particularly when the gown is a costly designer one). I suppose that one advantage to this approach is that when the groom goes shopping for a gift of handcrafted bridal jewelry for the wedding present, he will know what will look best with the gown! In the end, as long as it works for you, it is fine to let the groom have a say in the bridal gown.

Would You Let Your Groom Plan the Wedding?

I just saw the most fascinating wedding show on BBC America about grooms planning the wedding while the bride has to sit back and be surprised on the big day. It was a very interesting idea, and it was hard to say who had it worse: the groom who had to make all of the preparations or the bride who had to give up all control over her own wedding. It got me to thinking, would you let your groom plan the wedding?

If you think about it, in almost every case, it is the bride who is in charge of planning the wedding. She makes all of the big decisions about style, vendors, and all of the rest. Sure, some grooms may have opinions and may even have a nearly equal say in matters, but the reality is that the wedding is usually the bride’s show. After all, most women have a picture of a perfect wedding in their mind (even if they won’t confess to it), but very few men have even given the subject a moment’s thought before they become engaged.

So what would it be like for a man to throw a surprise wedding for his bride? On the BBC program “Don’t Tell the Bride”, the groom is given $20,00 and one month to plan what he hopes is his bride’s idea of a dream wedding. During that time, not only must he keep all of the plans a secret, but the couple cannot see each other. This is probably to prevent the bride from leaving copies of Martha Stewart Weddings all over their house with favorite dresses, centerpieces, and bouquets marked. No, in this case, the groom is entirely on his own, without any helpful hints from the bride.

By far the most stressful part of the entire thing was when the groom had to choose the bridal gown, crystal jewelry, and even the bride’s hairstyle and tiara. It was difficult enough for the groom, but it was pure agony for the bride. She knew that even if she hated the dress, she would have to wear it down the aisle (or decide to call off the wedding!).

This got me to thinking, how many brides would allow someone else to choose their entire bridal ensemble, including the gown, crystal bridal jewelry, headpieces, veil, and even shoes? Would it be worth it for a free wedding? The day before the featured wedding on “Don’t Tell the Bride”, the bride-to-be decided that giving up control of her gown was so stressful that if she had to do it all over again, she would not have done the show, even though it meant a free wedding. I have to say that I feel the same way!

Advice for Grooms

The first thing that grooms need to realize is that although the wedding day is only one day, for most women, it is the most eagerly anticipated day of her life. So although you may think that it is silly to spend so much time and money on a wedding, don’t say that to your fiancee! You might think that you are being realistic, but to a bride it will feel like you are stepping on her dreams.

Even though the bride will be the focus of the wedding, the groom can definitely be a part of the planning. Offer to help with the things that interest you, like the food, the cake, and the music. Many grooms today are getting even more involved, by really helping to craft the overall design and theme of the wedding. This can be especially nice if you have some cultural traditions that you would like to include in your wedding. So if you want to wear a kilt, by all means, speak up! Your bride will be glad to see that you have an interest in planning the wedding.

One thing that the groom must do for himself is select his best man and groomsmen. Think carefully about this. Your best man should be someone that you not only feel close to, but that you can trust with the wedding rings. For the sake of peace and harmony, try not to avoid choosing a friend for a groomsmen that you know your bride despises, especially if she thinks that he is a bad influence! Once you have picked your attendants, you will also want to give them special groomsmen gifts. Yes, you could let the bride choose the gifts for your groomsmen, but they will be more personal if you do it yourself. Even guys who hate shopping will find that they can get their groomsmen gifts taken care of quickly and painlessly, if they buy them online.

The most important thing that a groom can do, of course, is to love and support his bride. Wedding planning can be a thrilling and emotional time, and your fiancee will need your help to survive it. Just remember, the wedding will pass before you know it, and you will soon have her all back to yourself!

When the Groom Plans the Wedding

Uh, oh, you may be thinking, what would happen if a man planned a wedding? Do you picture groomsmen in tuxedo t-shirts, kegs of beer, and catering by the Hooters girls? Don’t worry, that is not what we are talking about here! Many men are actually quite capable of planning a tasteful and elegant wedding.

Some brides either lack the time or frankly, the interest in wedding planning. Other times, the woman may start to make the arrangements, but become overwhelmed and stressed out by all of the minutia. If this sounds like you, and your fiance is organized and detail oriented, why not hand him the reins?

One part of planning a wedding that interests all grooms is the food. When a man makes the reception arrangements, you can expect to have great food, a delicious cake, and a free-flowing open bar. If he is not as interested in details like centerpieces and bouquets, do not be concerned; that is why you hire a good florist – she will know what to do.

Even if she has left everything else to the groom, the bride will have to choose her own wedding gown. Most brides prefer to keep the gown a secret from the groom. If you decide to allow the groom to see your gown, at least keep the final result a surprise from him. Once you add a beautiful veil, a sparkling tiara, and fabulous bridal jewelry, you will be transformed from a woman in a lovely dress to a real bride, and at least he can be surprised by how you look when the whole ensemble is pulled together.

As long as your fiance is willing and able, trust him to make your wedding day as wonderful and memorable as you have always imagined it. Allowing the bride to simply show up on the day of the wedding, radiant and stress-free, might be the best gift that a man could give to the love of his life.