Do You Have to Include Every Wedding Tradition?

Weddings are tradition-laden occasions, of this there can be no doubt. It seems like so many of the customs are included in a wedding merely because they are traditional, long after the original meaning has been lost. To some modern couples, this may not seem like enough of a reason to do things in a certain way. These are some of the wedding customs that can easily be skipped, as well as those not to be missed.

Some parts of the wedding have very strong and clear symbolism, and should definitely be included. The biggest examples would be the exchange of vows and the wedding bands. This does not mean that these have to be handled in any particular way, however. Many couples forgo the traditional vows (especially the “obey” part) and write their own vows. Certainly, you can choose any sort of wedding bands that appeal to you, from the classic plain gold band to one-of-a-kind pieces handcrafted by a local artisan. Most men these days do also receive wedding bands in the ceremony, even if they decide not to wear one on a daily basis due to their work or simply personal preference.

A common complaint about weddings is the enormous expense for just one day. While having an affordable wedding is certainly reasonable, there are some customs that cannot be shed just to trim the budget. One of these is giving bridesmaid and groomsmen gifts. If you choose to have a wedding party, giving bridesmaid and groomsmen gifts to thank them for their participation is mandatory, and is really nothing compared to the expense it costs to be in a wedding (attire, travel, gifts, parties, etc.). however, if the bride and groom both agree, it is acceptable for them to leave out the custom of giving one another a gift on the morning of the wedding.

There are lots of things that are done at nearly every wedding that are fine to omit from yours. Do you have to have a cake cutting ceremony? No; in fact, you do not even have to have a traditional wedding cake. If the cake cutting moment does not appeal to you, feel free to substitute a dessert bar, cupcakes, or even fresh fruit pies for the grand cake. Although many brides and grooms seem to relish the spotlight, a shy pair of newlyweds may certainly decide to skip the first dance and open the floor up to general dancing immediately. Certainly don’t give a second thought to the traditional bouquet toss if you think it is ditzy, and by all means, skip the tacky garter toss. Your wedding is a special day to celebrate your love, and by all means, make it your own.

Including Humor in a Wedding

Weddings are important occasions and marriage is a serious commitment, this we all know. And yet, there is no reason to say that just because an occasion marks a rite of passage that it has to be overly serious or buttoned-up. To make your wedding as fun as it is joyous, find ways to include humor in your wedding.

There are countless ways in which to bring laughter into your wedding without diminishing the significance of the occasion. It could be an inside joke penned inside the gift card of each of the groomsmen gifts. Or maybe the gift itself could have a nod to humor, such as the groom who gave his friends groomsmen gifts with a poker theme, and a “get out of jail free” card from Monopoly that each attendant could use to “bail” out the groom for a weekly poker night with the guys. These ideas are lighthearted and in the spirit of good clean fun.

The wedding vows are a perfect place to add a touch of humor, as long as it is done in good taste. (Anything that would embarrass someone is out of place at a wedding; remember that it is not a roast!) At one wedding that I attended, the groom got some good chuckles from the guests when he mentioned that he nearly derailed the entire relationship before it got off the ground by calling the young lady in the middle of a Yankee’s playoff game. This got a great response from the crowd, all of whom knew how passionate the bride was about baseball. The groom went on to mention that he ensured that his bride accepted his proposal of marriage by posting it on the Jumbotron at Yankee Stadium (here, clearly, was a man who could learn from his mistakes!).

If you are looking for a great ice breaker at your wedding reception, humor is a great tool. Instead of a standard napkin ring, pin a badge with a funny message to each napkin. Your guests will have fun comparing the messages that they received, which is a terrific conversation starter. Clever save-the-date cards or favors are another terrific vehicle for wedding humor. A few well chosen bits of humor will amuse your guests and bring a lighthearted sparkle to your wedding.

Distinctive Table Names for Receptions

Your table names can be much more than just a way to indicate to each guest where they should sit during dinner. They can also be a chance to reinforce your wedding theme, express one of your passions, or even just amuse your guests. Why let this opportunity go to waste by using boring old table numbers when you can do so much more?

Theme weddings will always lend themselves to interesting names for the dinner tables. Let’s say that you are having a tropical theme wedding. A great idea for marking the tables would be to label each one with the name of a famous tropical paradise. Your guests can dine at Bora Bora, Tahiti, Fiji, and Hawaii. A couple who is throwing a tropical theme wedding and also loves to surf, for instance, could name each table after their favorite place to catch a wave.

Some brides will plan their wedding around their favorite color. A purple wedding could be graced with tables named lavender, aubergine, lilac, plum, and so forth. Or have a pink wedding with tables named after your favorite pink flowers, such as roses, tulips, peonies, and hydrangeas.  The idea of naming reception tables after flowers would also be lovely for a garden wedding.

Tables can be named after famous people, too. How better to evoke the cool elegance of the Rat Pack than by calling your reception tables Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., and so on? When using the name of a person, definitely have their picture on the table number display to make it even more interesting. This would be a very hip idea for a wedding theme, and you could bring it to full fruition by including elements in your wedding like Sinatra music, a martini bar, and small silver flasks for the favors (they also make great groomsmen gifts, by the way).

Nature can always provide sweet wedding ideas. If you are the earthy type, how about using table names such as river, rock, branch, and moss? Or get more specific; a bird loving bride and groom could call their tables warbler, finch, cardinal, bluebird, etc. Another great source of inspiration is literature. Not only would it be a nice personal touch to name your reception tables after your favorite books, but it will be a great conversation starter for your guests at dinner.

Grooms’ Favorite Wedding Ideas

Everyone knows that weddings are really the bride’s purview. Yet these days, grooms are more involved than ever in the wedding planning process, and many of them are bringing their own ideas into play. Here are some of the favorite ideas that grooms have contributed to their weddings.

If you ask any groom what part of the wedding concerns him the most, he is likely to say the food. One trend that grooms can really get behind is serving comfort food, especially for the cocktail hour. Pigs in blankets on silver platters, sleeves of crispy fresh “pommes frites” (french fries), milkshake shots and mac and cheese cups are all high on the list of things that grooms really love to see on their menu. Serve these foods, and you can bet that your guests will love them as well.

Another idea that grooms really go for is the groom’s cake. These cakes are custom made by specialty bakers in a design that represents an interest of the groom’s. It could be a cake shaped like his dog, or sculpted to look like his favorite car, or even the helmet of his favorite NFL team. The point is that the groom’s cake is one part of the wedding that is all about him, even in the most formal and traditional white wedding. Best of all, the groom’s cake is traditionally chocolate.

Something else that grooms love is to have some sort of activity at the wedding reception, beyond dancing and eating. Casino nights have become a popular form of entertainment at some weddings. It can be done in a very hip sort of way (although not every bride is going to go for this idea, no matter how well it is executed). This can tie in well with groomsmen gifts that have a poker theme. The nice thing about those types of groomsmen gifts is that they are a signal to the groom’s buddies that he still intends to hang with them on poker night after he is married.

The more the groom becomes involved with planning his wedding, the better. It will give him a chance to be a part of the festivities, and it also gives the bride a fresh take on what a wedding should be like. When the bride and groom plan their wedding together, the day will feel even more special to both of them.

A Quiz for Grooms

See how much you already know and what more you need to learn with this fun quiz for grooms…

1. During the wedding ceremony, when does the groom walk down the aisle? Is it:

   a. right before the bride

   b. immediately following the bride

   c. arm in arm with the bride

2. What parts of a wedding is the groom traditionally responsible for financing?

   a. the bride’s wedding jewelry, her bouquet, and the honeymoon

   b. all of the flowers and the band

   c. nothing

3. True or false: the groom should give his attendants groomsmen gifts to thank them for being in the wedding?

4. Which is more formal, black tie or white tie?

5. What is the cost of the average American wedding?

   a. $8,000

   b. $18,000

   c. $28,000

Answers:

1. Sorry guys, this was a trick question right off the bat! The correct answer is none of the above. The groom and the groomsmen do not walk down the aisle during the processional at all. They make their way to the altar from the side, and wait there during the processional.

2. a. The groom traditionally was responsible for the bride’s wedding jewelry (including her engagement ring, wedding band, and a gift of jewelry to be worn at the wedding), the bride’s bouquet (but not the rest of the flowers), and the honeymoon trip.
   

3. True. It is customary to show your appreciation for your attendants with nice groomsmen gifts. Classic choices include silver pocketknives, engraved flasks, and silver cufflinks.

4. White tie is the most formal, and is rarely seen these days.

5. c. The average cost of an American wedding is around $28,000, and can run considerably more in certain cities.

So how did you do? Are you a wedding planning MVP yet, or still waiting to be called up from the minor leagues? Whichever the case, if you do your best to help the bride and keep her feeling happy and relaxed, you are sure to have a terrific wedding.

Wedding Engraving

A wedding is such a special occasion that it is only natural to want to find a way to create lasting memories of it. One great idea is to have pieces engraved; you can personalize everything from the wedding bands to the bridesmaid gifts to wedding presents. Here are some ideas on the things that you can have engraved for your wedding, as well as suggestions on what to write.

If you have only one thing engraved for your wedding, it should be the wedding rings. What you actually choose to put inside will depend on the size of the ring and your personal preferences, but you can generally expect to fit around 20 letters, spaces, and characters into a wedding band. If you are lucky, your jeweler may even throw in the engraving at no charge when you purchase the rings. The most traditional thing to put in a wedding band is the couple’s initials, with the wedding date in between them (you would put the bride’s initials first in the groom’s ring, and vice versa). Of course, feel free to be as expressive as you want with your mini-message. One of the funnier inscriptions that I have seen read, “Put this ring back on!”.

Gifts of bridesmaid jewelry are another wonderful thing to have personalized with an inscription. Sterling silver bracelets or necklaces with large flat charms make a thoughtful gift when engraved with the monogram of each bridesmaid. Classic gifts like engraved bridesmaid jewelry are the perfect way to express your gratitude to your attendants.

It is not only precious metals that can be engraved. Heavy glass and crystal can be inscribed as well, which leads to some great options for both wedding presents and groomsmen gifts. For the groomsmen, nice crystal or glass beer steins with their initials make handsome gifts. If you are a guest looking for a personalized wedding gift, think about something like a beautiful crystal bowl customized with the wedding date. There is nothing better than something that has been personalized with you in mind.

Tips for the Brother of the Bride

If you are the brother of the bride, you may not think that you have much of a role to play in the upcoming wedding, but that is not true. There are plenty of ways in which you can participate and share in the excitement. Here are some tips on how to be a great brother of the bride.

A lot of guys are not really that “into” weddings, and unless it is your wedding, that is just fine. You may think that your sister and mom are going absolutely crazy over this whole wedding thing (especially if you are the younger, unmarried brother of the bride), and it may even be true. However, you will do yourself no favors by sharing that opinion with your sister, for whom the wedding is probably one of the biggest days of her entire life. A better tactic when your sister starts going on about the wedding is just to smile and nod while she talks; she may not even notice that your eyes have glazed over!

Most brothers of the bride will be asked to participate in the ceremony in some way. You will probably be asked to serve as a groomsman, and your duties will be much the same as those of the rest of the groomsmen. You get to help with the bachelor party, be fitted for a tuxedo, receive one of the groomsmen gifts, attend the rehearsal and dinner afterwards, and stand up with the groom during the marriage service. Single brothers will be pleased to hear that they are also responsible for escorting a pretty young bridesmaid up the aisle during the recessional.

At times the brother of the bride might end up taking on a more important role in the wedding. If their father has passed away, it would be very appropriate and touching for the bride’s brother to be the one to walk her down the aisle and give her away. It is also very nice if you give a brief toast at the reception. Keep it brief and congratulatory; you surely know all sorts of embarrassing stories about your sister, but the wedding toast is not the time to bring them up!

With a little more involvement, the bride’s brother might actually find that her wedding can be a good time. You also have the pleasure of gaining a new brother, and if you are single, meeting some attractive women (weddings often breed more weddings, you know). In the end, you might just come to discover that being the brother of the bride is not so bad after all.

“I Love You, Man”

The recent movie “I Love You, Man” is all about the trials and tribulations of a groom looking for a close enough friend to be his best man. The romantic comedy highlights a problem that many men face when they get engaged: choosing their groomsmen and best man. These are some ideas on how to deal with finding the right best man for your wedding.

Hopefully, you do not find yourself in the same position as the groom in “I Love You, Man”. That man found himself in the unfortunate position of having no male friends close enough to be his honor attendant. Hilarity ensues as he goes on a series of “man-dates”, during which he auditions guys to be his new best friend. The friend that he finally clicks with nearly destroys his relationship with the bride, though of course, it all works out happily in the end.

If you are in the position of having to decide between several friends to be your best man, well, first off, congratulations; at least you have lots of friends, unlike the groom in “I Love You, Man”. At least you will not have to go shopping for a best man. All you need to do is think carefully about each of your friends, and evaluate the pros and cons of each one as a best man.

Once you do decide on your best man and the rest of your groomsmen, you will want to find the perfect groomsmen gifts to show your appreciation. The gifts for your groomsmen can be anything that you think your friends will enjoy, but usually you will want to look for something that can be personalized. Gifts like silver cufflinks or pocketknives are popular options for groomsmen and best man presents, because they are lasting signs of your friendship.

Handsome Boutonierres

There are almost as many choices for boutonierres as there options for the bride’s bouquet. In general, the boutonierres worn by the men in the wedding party should coordinate with the rest of the flowers (sorry guys, I guess it is still all about the bride!). A nice way to tie in the lapel flowers with the bouquets and other floral displays is to choose one of the same blooms featured in the bride’s flowers to use as the boutonierre.

Usually, the boutonierre consists of a single flower, but you can also combine a few small elements to make a unique ornament. For instance, for an autumn wedding, you can wire an acorn into a spray of orange berries for a charming seasonal accent. A winter groom would look dashing sporting a small spray of pine with a few red berries and a single white flower. Just be sure to keep the boutonierres from getting too large, or the men will refuse to wear them!

Sparkle is one of the hottest trends at weddings these days, and you see that carried into the boutonierres. A simple rose can be dressed up with a string of tiny Swarovksi crystals wrapped around the stem. Or a few crystals can be wired into the center of an open flower. This is often a popular idea for the groom, and then the groomsmen will wear the same type of boutonierre without the crystal accents.

It the traditional etiquette of wedding flowers, the bride’s family pays for all of the flowers, except for the bride’s bouquet, which is sometimes a gift from the groom. These days, things are a bit looser, especially as more couples finance their own weddings. It would be nice for the bride to give the groom his boutonierre, and then the groom can give the groomsmen their boutonierres as a gift. (This is not to be confused with the main groomsmen gift, which should be something of lasting value, like silver cufflinks.)

The bouttonierre is a small detail in the grand scheme of a wedding, to be sure. However, the boutonierre is one of the few bits of flair that the groom will get to wear, so it is important. Choose a lapel accent for him that is stylish and classic, and your groom will look even more handsome on your wedding day.

Advice for Grooms

The first thing that grooms need to realize is that although the wedding day is only one day, for most women, it is the most eagerly anticipated day of her life. So although you may think that it is silly to spend so much time and money on a wedding, don’t say that to your fiancee! You might think that you are being realistic, but to a bride it will feel like you are stepping on her dreams.

Even though the bride will be the focus of the wedding, the groom can definitely be a part of the planning. Offer to help with the things that interest you, like the food, the cake, and the music. Many grooms today are getting even more involved, by really helping to craft the overall design and theme of the wedding. This can be especially nice if you have some cultural traditions that you would like to include in your wedding. So if you want to wear a kilt, by all means, speak up! Your bride will be glad to see that you have an interest in planning the wedding.

One thing that the groom must do for himself is select his best man and groomsmen. Think carefully about this. Your best man should be someone that you not only feel close to, but that you can trust with the wedding rings. For the sake of peace and harmony, try not to avoid choosing a friend for a groomsmen that you know your bride despises, especially if she thinks that he is a bad influence! Once you have picked your attendants, you will also want to give them special groomsmen gifts. Yes, you could let the bride choose the gifts for your groomsmen, but they will be more personal if you do it yourself. Even guys who hate shopping will find that they can get their groomsmen gifts taken care of quickly and painlessly, if they buy them online.

The most important thing that a groom can do, of course, is to love and support his bride. Wedding planning can be a thrilling and emotional time, and your fiancee will need your help to survive it. Just remember, the wedding will pass before you know it, and you will soon have her all back to yourself!