White Lies Every Bride Tells

September 6th, 2011

What a Beautiful Handmade Ashtray! Every couple is bound to receive a wedding gift or two that they do not like, can’t use, or that is just plain bizarre. A lumpy handmade ceramic ashtray for the non-smoking fitness nuts would definitely fall into all three categories! Yet, you don’t want to hurt the feelings of the person who gave you the present, so it is best to fake it. Pretend, just for the moment, that it is the best gift you have ever received. Once you have sent a gracious thank you note, feel free to put the oddity in your next yard sale.

We’d Love for Your New Boyfriend (or Cousin or Kids) to Come. Somehow, there is always at least one wedding guest who does not seem to realize that only the people whose names are on the invitations are invited to the reception. Never mind that the caterer charges $150 a head or that it is supposed to be an intimate wedding for close family and friends only. Invariably, someone will call the bride three days before the wedding and ask to bring along their cousin who is in town for the weekend, the great new man they just started dating, or their kids “because they have never been to a wedding before”. While a gracious bride might indeed say yes for the sake of accommodating her invited guest, rest assured that she does not really want her wedding populated by random people. A polite guest will realize this and not put the bride on the spot.

I Don’t Mind That My Mother-in-Law Is Wearing White. Oh, what to do about the mother-in-law who decides to wear a white dress and pearl wedding jewelry to her son’s wedding? Well, if you are a wise bride, you will tell the little white lie above. Of course, only the bride should show up in a white gown and elegant pearl wedding jewelry, but making a fuss about what her mother-in-law is wearing will get the bride nowhere. The fact is that no one will think it is appropriate for the groom’s mom to wear white; the bride does not need to say a word, because all of the guests will see the mother of the groom’s fashion choice for the petty slight that it is. If the bride remains silent, she will definitely come out looking the better of the two.

We Are Having a Small Wedding. This is the classic line that brides use to get out of inviting extra people to their wedding. The beauty of it is that “small” can mean anything the bride and groom want it to mean. Small can mean twenty people in their living room or one hundred guests on a private yacht. All it really means is that the wedding is too small to invite that one particular individual. This is probably one of the most commonly used bridal white lies, and one of the most effective.

While no one advocates lying, there are certainly instances where telling a white lie is more polite and tactful than brutal honesty!

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Prepare Your Wedding Jewelry for the Big Day

January 15th, 2011

On your wedding day, everyone will want to admire your diamond ring. Every bride should have her engagement ring professionally cleaned a day or two before her ceremony so that it shines brilliantly.  Nothing will cut the shine of a diamond worse than hand lotion, so if you get a manicure after the cleaning, remove your ring. And when you go to put it back on, avoid touching the gem with your fingers, which will make it smudgy.

If you are wearing fabulous crystal and silver bridal jewelry, you will want to make sure that shines to its best advantage as well. Gently wipe your crystal wedding jewelry with a soft damp cloth to remove any dust or fingerprints. Then run a special polishing cloth over the sterling silver parts to give them a beautiful gleam. Wedding jewelry which is made of sterling silver without any gems can be dipped in a special silver cleaner if it has tarnished. Silver dip can ruin many gems, especially pearls, so use it only for jewelry which is all silver.

Pearls are the ultimate symbol of bridal elegance; they are also fairly fragile, so be sure to baby them. They can be wiped with a soft dry cloth if need be, but that is about it. The best way to make sure that your pearls are in tip-top shape for your wedding is to keep them from getting dirty in the first place. Always put on pearl wedding jewelry after your hair and makeup are done. Hairspray is the sworn enemy of pearls, as it will dull their luster. Spritz on perfume before donning your wedding pearls for the same reason. Never get the silk thread of a pearl strand wet, as it may be prone to stretching and breaking.

If your groom is planning to wear any wedding jewelry, take care to make sure that his accessories look as good as yours. Silver cufflinks can be polished with a silver polishing cloth to restore them to a brand new luster. If they are pure sterling silver and in need of major shining up, cufflinks can also be dipped in a silver cleaner. The chances are that his wedding band is in perfect condition, but inspect it to see if it might benefit from a fresh polish by the jeweler. If your groom has expressed interest in a matte finish ring instead of the traditional high polish, ask the jeweler to brush it on the wheel to make it matte. It takes just a minute to do and will give the band a modern look.

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Can You Wear White to Someone Else’s Wedding?

July 24th, 2010

The reason to avoid wearing white as a wedding guest is that the color is reserved for the bride. It is the job of guests at weddings to be dressed appropriately and festively, but not to upstage the bride. Wearing white can definitely fall into the category of drawing attention from the bride, even if it is completely unintentional. This is particularly true if you wear some sort of a white dress with pearl wedding jewelry. Unless you are actually wearing a wedding gown, no one is going to mistake you for the bride, yet it would still be pushing the edge of good taste. While the bride might not be uptight about such old-fashioned rules, the chances are that her grandmother will be, and why do something that is likely to offend?

For a summer wedding, it is true that many of the prettier dresses in the stores may be white (more so some years than others), but there are so many other colors out there in the world that one can surely find a safer alternative. Another option is to wear a dress with a white background which has a colorful print on it, such as blue and pink flowers. Few would find fault with that; even those who interpret traditional wedding etiquette strictly will understand that a patterned dress with a little white in the background is in no way an attempt to upstage the bride. The one exception, by the way, to wearing white attire to a wedding is the naval officer’s summer dress white attire.

These days, black has become fairly accepted for wedding guest attire in many social circles (especially around the big cities). That said, there will still be those who find it inappropriate for a wedding, and it should be avoided by the mothers of the bride and groom due to the old meaning that black meant disapproval of the match. For the other guests, while you probably can get away with wearing black, especially for an evening wedding, it is still not the best color choice. Why? Because black is rather somber and dark for an occasion as festive as a wedding. Even if it is not strictly taboo, it is still nicer to wear a color other than black.

This brings us to the other old belief, that red is inappropriate for a wedding guest. The simple reason for the ban on red is that it is bright and flashy. While no one will think you are trying to look like a bride (white) or show disapproval (black), they might well think that you are trying to upstage the bride by wearing such a bright color.  That said, red can definitely be worn in a manner that is completely appropriate for a wedding. The key when wearing a bold color is to select a dress with a very classic design. When dressing for a wedding, let your good taste and good judgment be your guide to sartorial success.

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Wedding Traditions: Keep or Discard?

June 26th, 2010

Weddings are rich with tradition. In fact, many of the customs which a bride and groom may include in their own wedding are there because it “is the way things have always been done”, rather than because they specifically want those elements as part of their special day. Take a look at this look into some of the most common wedding traditions, as we answer the question: should they be kept or discarded?

White Wedding Gowns. It was Queen Victoria who started the craze for white bridal gowns. The white wedding gown has since taken on many connotations, especially as a symbol of the purity of the bride. There is a trend these days moving away from white (or ivory) gowns in favor of wedding dresses with either a little color or made entirely in a color like red. So as to the question of whether this tradition should be kept or discarded, the answer is to wear a traditional white wedding gown with classic pearl wedding jewelry only if you really want to. If you want to wear a red dress for your wedding day, by all means do it!

Bridesmaids. Did you know that the original purpose of bridesmaids was to dress in clothing similar to that of the bride’s to confuse the evil spirits who were believed to be drawn to brides? And bridesmaids today think they have it bad; at least all they have to ward off is unwanted advances from drunken groomsmen! Today the custom of having a bridal party has evolved into choosing to spend your wedding surrounded by your best girlfriends for support and to make the wedding planning process more fun along the way. Who doesn’t want her best friends around on one of the most exciting days of her life? Bridesmaids are a definite tradition to keep. Abuse of bridesmaids, however, is something that is definitely out, so remember to treat them like your friends, not your personal servants.

Garter Toss. The garter toss started out because of an old superstition that said grabbing a piece of the bride’s clothing would bring some of her good fortune to the bearer. After a while, brides tired of having their gowns ripped apart by their guests, and started tossing their garters to the crowd instead. These days, however, the garter toss has turned into nothing more than a tacky moment in what should be an elegant day. The point is no longer about catching the garter for luck, but rather in seeing how far the groom can push the borders of good taste. For that reason, the garter toss belongs on the scrap heap of wedding traditions!

So, what other traditions do you think are worthy of keeping or ditching? The dollar dance, the rehearsal dinner, or maybe the traditional marriage vows? Let the debating begin!

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Etiquette for Religious Wedding Ceremonies

March 14th, 2010

These days it is very common for people to have friends and even family members who are of a different religion (or possibly who follow no religion at all). It is also far more common than it used to be for the bride and groom to come from different faiths. All of this diversity can lead to some confusion on the part of the guests. It is up to the bride and groom to make sure that their guests have an understanding of what is happening, and it also falls upon the witnesses at the wedding ceremony to know how to act and what to do at a religious wedding.

A very simple thing which the bride and groom can do from the start is to give guests a hint about what is to come with their wedding invitations. The name of the house of worship being listed as the ceremony site should make it obvious to anyone that the ceremony will be religious in nature, of course, but there is more than can be done. It is particularly important that Roman Catholics specify that guests are invited to a Nuptial Mass, if they have opted to have a full Mass with Communion. The Nuptial Mass by its nature is one of the longer wedding ceremonies, and guests appreciate having a sense of what to expect.

When a wedding ceremony is religious in nature, it may include rituals which are unfamiliar to some of the guests. This is when a wedding program can come in really handy. If a couple will be having a Jewish service for instance, it would be very nice to include brief explanations of some of the customs, such as the chuppah, so that people of other faiths can follow along and also so they can have a greater appreciation for the significance of any special rituals. It can also be considerate to include a notation such as, “We invite all those who have been baptized to join in the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist” or something to that effect at a Catholic ceremony.

Wedding guests have a few responsibilities of their own at a religious wedding. Chief among them is to show respect, whether they share the bride and groom’s faith or not. This means dressing appropriately in demure clothing with classic accessories like pearl wedding jewelry, rather than showing up in something risque or flashy. When a guest is unfamiliar with the rituals of a particular religion, they should simply do their best to follow along: stand when others stand, sit when they sit, and so forth. Guests should not take part in any religious customs which are reserved for members of a religion to which they do not belong. And last, but not least, wedding guests should refrain from obviously checking their watches to see “how much longer this thing can possibly drag on”, even if it is a full Nuptial Mass! With these pointers in mind, the wedding ceremony should be every bit as meaningful and blessed as the bride and groom intended.

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