Wedding Related Sibling Rivalry
It sounds like something out of “Dear Abby”: the minute you get engaged, you start to have all sorts of jealousy issues with your sister. From jealousy, to talking behind your back, to trying to upstage your wedding, it all boils down to one thing: sibling rivalry. Here are some tips to get relations with your brother or sister back on track before sibling rivalry permanently derails your wedding plans.
The Problem: The sister who expresses her jealousy by criticizing your wedding plans. This is the sister who seems to find fault with everything, from the bridal gown and wedding jewelry you like in magazines to the venues and decorations you are considering. You will hear a lot of this: “Well, I guess if you like it…”, said with a nose in the air.
The Solution: Sometimes jealousy can be diffused by expressing an interest in your sibling’s opinion on your wedding plans, especially if the two of you had previously been close. It may be that her negative attitude is based on her fear of losing you to your new husband. If you sense that is the case, make her feel as involved as possible to allay her fears. Take her shopping for flowers, wedding jewelry, and decorations. You may just find that once your sister sees that she still has a place in your life her behavior will improve.
The Problem: Your sibling has started to make snarky comments about your choice of bridesmaids and maybe even your groom. Everything is subject to commentary, from the weight of your attendants to your future husband’s career.
The Solution: Politely but clearly inform the brother or sister making the remarks that when they insult people that you care about enough to have in your wedding or to marry, that they are insulting you and hurting your feelings. If the behavior persists, feel free to bluntly cut off any further unkind remarks or to walk away, leaving the unpleasant sibling mid-sentence.
The Problem: You announced your engagement and set a wedding date for September 1st. A month later, your sister says that she just got engaged, and guess what – her wedding will be August, just two weeks before your wedding.
The Solution: Rather than point out how upstaging your wedding is hurtful to you (which may well be the point, after all), it should be put in terms of the burden on guests who have to travel and parents who have to pay for things. Unless there is a really good reason why the second sibling engaged needs to be married first (such as a pregnancy or a military deployment), they should really be considerate enough to wait. Of course, if they simply won’t, you must take the high road so that you don’t end up looking like the bitter and petty sister.
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