Dos and Don’ts for the Maid of Honor

Do: Offer to help the bride. Planning a wedding is a huge job, and no one should have to do it all alone. Be a good maid of honor by offering to help your bride with jobs large and small. See if she needs someone to pick up her grandmother at the airport for her bridal shower or offer to help her address and stamp the wedding invitations. Talk to florists with her, go with her to shop for wedding jewelry and her bridal gown, and help her tie ribbons on favor boxes. It’s all part of the job of being a best friend or sister, let alone a maid of honor too.

Don’t: Push your opinions on her. If there is one piece of wedding advice all maids of honor need, it is not to overwhelm the bride with opinions. Sure, she values your input, but it is still her wedding, not yours. A good maid of honor will listen and help the bride plan her idea of the perfect wedding, not what the maid of honor thinks is perfect. If people start calling you a “maidzilla”, you know it is time to back off!

Do: Give suggestions for the bridesmaid dresses and jewelry. Picking a bridesmaid dress can be a very stressful job for a bride. She has a vision in mind, she wants your dresses to match her dresses, she wants you all to like it, and so forth. Finding one dress that meets all these requirements and is also flattering and affordable is a monumental task. Ask the bride what she is generally interested in seeing the bridesmaids wear, and then help her out by finding some samples for her to check out.

Don’t: Act like the final choice about the bridesmaid dresses is yours. Being made of honor does not give you the final say about what the bridesmaid dresses will be. That decision can only be made by the bride. Give her your input, but understand that in the end, being maid of honor means wearing whatever dress your friend the bride chooses. Being a great maid of honor means telling the bride you love the dress she chose, no matter what you privately may think of it!

5 Essential Honeymoon Planning Tips

One: Check the Weather Before Booking Your Trip. Before you book your honeymoon, find out what the weather is usually like in your destination at the time of year in which you will be married. Hurricane season in the Atlantic happens to coincide with prime wedding season, so if a beach honeymoon is your dream, think Hawaii rather than the Cayman Islands.

Two: Check Your Documents. Plenty of people do not have passports, but you now need one to travel to any international destination, including Canada and Mexico. Applying for a passport can take a couple of months, so this is not something you can leave until the last minute!  You may also need a visa for travel to some countries. Check the US State Department’s website for specifics.

Three: Plan For Your Spending. It is a good idea to have some cash in whatever the local currency is where you will be going. Your best bet is to exchange your dollars for euros or pesos at your local bank before leaving town to avoid the fees and surcharges at hotel and airport currency exchange desks. If you plan to put your souvenirs on your credit card, call the issuing banks of all your accounts beforehand to find out which one has the lowest fees for international transactions.

Four: Pack Wisely. Even if you are just going to the beach, pack nice quality shorts and polo shirts rather than cut offs and ratty old t-shirts. It is nice to look good for your new spouse after all, and the locals where you honeymoon will appreciate the effort as well. If heading to Europe, bring stylish walking shoes (no white sneakers!), and skirts instead of shorts. Leave your expensive jewelry at home, and instead bring along your crystal bridal jewelry for dressing up in the evenings.

Five: Keep Memories Alive. A key piece of wedding advice is to hire a great photographer to capture your wedding day memories, but what about your honeymoon? Bring along a high quality digital camera with plenty of extra batteries so you can take lots of photos. Save tickets and programs for a honeymoon scrapbook, and if you like to write, keep a travel journal of your adventures. You will enjoy revisiting the memories of your perfect honeymoon year after year.

Tips For the Family of the Groom

It is easy to feel like the proverbial “second fiddle” when you are a family member of the groom. You may be just excited about the upcoming nuptials as the bride’s family, but the parents and siblings of the groom often have limited involvement in the wedding plans. These are some tips for the family of the groom to help you navigate the wedding planning process.

First of all, it is important to realize that when girls grow up dreaming about their weddings, the person they always imagine planning it with is their mother. So if you, as the mother or father of the groom, feel like the bride and her mom are taking over the wedding planning, you are probably correct – however, it is probably not done with any intention to leave you out in the cold. Since the bride might not think of asking for your assistance, you will need to go to her. The groom’s mom might say that she knows where to get the best wedding jewelry in town or that she would love to make the ring bearer’s pillow. Just remember that taste is very individual, so try not to take it personally if you make suggestions for the bouquets or bridesmaid dresses and the bride does not take your advice.

If the family of the groom can afford to help pay for some of the wedding expenses, they should feel free to make the offer. Often the groom’s family will say that they would like to pay for one specific part of the wedding, such as the flowers or the band. Matters of money can get dicey among families, especially if it is the bride who is spending the money; if you are afraid that an open-ended offer to pick up the tab for the florist or the photographer might result in the bride hiring someone out of your price range, simply offer to contribute a specific amount towards the service, like $2000 for the flowers or $1000 towards the videographer.

There are times when the groom’s family may feel pressured to contribute more to their son’s wedding than they can comfortably afford. To be as diplomatic as possible, the groom’s parents should speak privately with their son about what they can or cannot do to help with the wedding expenses. Let him be the one to break the news to the bride, since the groom should have known to ask his parents before signing them up to write unlimited checks! Remember that the wedding is the foundation of a lifelong relationship with the bride and her family, so it is worth it to to make the effort to get along.

Tips for the Mother of the Groom

If there is one piece of advice that every mother of the groom needs to hear it is to learn to let go of her son. It can be hard to accept that another woman is taking over your role as the primary female influence in your son’s life, but when he gets married, that is exactly what is happening. Fighting to remain top dog will only put your son in a terrible position of being torn between his wife and mother, and your relationship with him will inevitably suffer. The more you push, the harder his new wife is likely to pull him in the opposite direction.

Another thing that all mothers of the groom should do is to make their future daughters-in-law feel welcome in their new family. All those old terrible stereotypes about overbearing mothers-in-law aside, there is no reason at all why the groom’s mom and his wife cannot become good friends. No matter how confident she may appear, the chances are that your son’s fiancee is nervous about winning your approval. Give it to her clearly and frequently.

When it comes to planning the wedding, the mother of the groom often ends up feeling like a second fiddle. There are plenty of ways that the mother of the groom can become involved in the wedding. You might offer your home as a place for some of her bridesmaids to stay when they come to town for the big event. If finances permit, it would be very gracious to offer to pick up the tab for the florist or the bar bill at the reception. Sometimes mothers of the groom like to welcome their daughters-in-law to the family with special gifts of wedding jewelry.

One last piece of advice to the mother of the groom is to always look appropriate for the wedding…but not so fabulous you will upstage the bride or her mother. Always ask the bride what type of attire she would like you to wear for her wedding. The mothers of the bride and groom do not need to wear the same color, but it is customary for the bride’s mom to select her dress first so that the mother of the groom can choose a dress which will look attractive next to hers. Being considerate of family feelings is an excellent idea for all members of the bride and groom’s families, including the mother of the groom.

Pace Yourself, Brides!

Imagine this: you have been planning your dream wedding for a year. Your parents have taken out a second mortgage on the house just to make sure that you get exactly what you want for your wedding. You waft down the aisle like an angel, resplendent in your fabulous designer bridal gown and equally fabulous bridal jewelry. “Isn’t she lovely,” the guests all coo. “The most beautiful bride ever”, they all agree. Until this vision of the gracious bride hits the bar at the reception and by the time the night is over, she is performing moves on the dance floor that are better left for the honeymoon.

What do you think the guests of those brides who lose control of themselves will remember about the wedding? How the bride looked like an ad from a bridal magazine in her gown and bridal jewelry exchanging her vows in the church, or the embarrassing scene she caused at the reception by falling down drunk, dirty dancing with her bridesmaids, or giving a booze-fueled inappropriate toast? Let me give you a hint: it will be pretty hard for anyone to forget if the bride makes a total fool of herself, since the video will have gone viral on the web before the newlyweds even make it to their honeymoon destination. Don’t let this happen to you, ladies!

A  good way that a bride can be sure to keep her head is to keep track of the alcohol she is consuming over the course of the day. Don’t just accept every glass that comes your way without a thought. Think about when you will most enjoy a special drink and plan accordingly. If you know that you want to try out your custom signature cocktail and share a romantic glass of Champagne with your new husband, have sparkling cider with dinner instead of wine.

And remember that when a person is the object of a toast, she should only raise her glass, not drink to herself (that can save a lot of added up sips of Champagne if you have a lot of speeches at your wedding). This is not to say that a bride should not relax and enjoy herself at her reception, just that when all is said and done, it is really nice if you can actually remember what happened there. In the end, you will be very happy to reach the end of your wedding day with your dignity and reputation intact!

Too Young or Too Old to Get Married?

We all know that the average age to get married is the mid-20s. But people of all age find love and want to make a permanent commitment to their beloved. Is there one perfect age to say “I Do” or can a person follow their heart at any age? Can a person ever be too young or too old to get married?

When it comes to being too old, the answer is no. As long as both people are of sound mind, why shouldn’t they have the chance to enjoy a romance as seniors? I know a woman who creates custom bridal gowns, and she says that one of the sweetest brides she ever made a gown for was a woman in her 80s. She had been widowed for many years, and met a man in a similar situation through a place where they both volunteered. This man was a true gentleman, and courted her properly; he even asked the widow’s daughter for permission to propose to his sweetheart. She made a truly beautiful bride in her custom blue wedding gown and elegant bridal jewelry.

The other question is not so easily answered. The short answer is yes, people certainly can be too young to make the lifelong commitment involved in a marriage.  Readiness to marry is less a question of a particular age, perhaps, but one of the maturity of the potential bride and groom. That said, few people are truly mature before they have had time to live on their own, take responsibility for running a home, and gotten a little life experience. Statistics bear this out; couples who wait until their late 20s or early 30s to get married have a lower divorce rate than teen brides and grooms. So don’t go rushing off to marry your high school sweetheart just yet.

A final piece of advice for young engaged couples is to opt for a long engagement. Both people should definitely be out of high school; finished with college would be even better. After all, if it is true love, the relationship will last and grow into something even better over the period of a long engagement. And besides, every bride and groom should be able to raise a toast at their wedding.

Last Minute Wedding Panics (and how to cure them)

Every bride has some sort of last minute panic in the final weeks before her wedding. Everything from, “what if I wake up with a huge zit the morning of the wedding?” to “am I making a horrible mistake getting married?. These questions are all too common, and are usually nothing more than a bad case of jitters and stage fright. Check out this list of last minute wedding panics that most brides face, as well as how to cure them quickly.

Am I making a horrible mistake getting married? Not every bride faces this question, but for those who do, it can be agonizing. Be aware that in the vast majority of cases, cold feet is not a sign of a serious problem, it is just a reaction to making a very strong commitment. Don’t do anything rash; go out for a relaxing night with your best friend and talk it over. The chances are she will tell you that you are doing the right thing, and that when you hear it from a trusted friend, you will feel reassured and find your fears melt away.

Did I pick the wrong dress?  Brides usually experience this fear because of the stress put on choosing the “perfect” gown, especially as the time draws near to debut the wedding dress. If you really are having doubts, remind yourself what features drew you to the gown in the first place; the chances are strong that you still like them. Now ask yourself what worries you about the dress.Perhaps the style of your wedding has evolved since you ordered your gown. The easy solution to that is to experiment with some different accessories. You can make a simple gown more elegant by adding an ornate set of bridal jewelry and a dramatic veil, or tone down an opulent bridal gown with very simple jewelry and a short veil.

What if I mess up my vows? As the wedding day draws near, it is perfectly natural for stage fright to set it, especially for brides who normally shun the spotlight. There are a few things to keep in mind. One is that people do flub their vows all the time, and it is really no big deal Even Princess Diana did it and she had millions of people watching her do it live on television; a small slip up in front of your loved ones will not detract from the beauty of your ceremony. And remember that you will not be all alone up there on the altar; your fiance will be right there with you.

Everyone will face their own individual moments of panic right before they get married. It is normal, but nothing to let interfere with the excitement and joy of your wedding. Do your best to relax and remember that the true point of a wedding is not to put on the party of the year, but to celebrate your marriage surrounded by those you love. If you can keep that in mind, all of those panicky fears will shrink down to size.

Dealing with Rude Wedding Guests

Unfortunately, it is a fact of life: at every wedding there are going to be a few guests who are thoughtless, inconsiderate, or downright rude. There is no need to let a few irritating people detract from how much you enjoy your wedding, however. Here are the most common issues that couples face with rude wedding guests, and how to deal with them with a smile on your face.

Some guests do not intend to cause any trouble, yet manage to be very aggravating. These are the people are can’t seem to do anything or get anywhere on time. They do not return their response cards by the requested date, don’t return follow up phone calls, and some will even turn up at the wedding without ever bothering to R.s.v.p. that they are coming! By the time the day of the wedding rolls around, you may well be so annoyed that you no longer even care if they come. Leave a  polite message letting them know that the caterer is demanding a final head count by Saturday, and if you do not hear back, you will assume they are unable to attend.

The couple should not delay their ceremony to accommodate late guests unless it is a member of the wedding party or a very close relative (mother, wait; aunt, the show must go on). It is not fair to all of the other guests who were considerate enough to be on time. Once the last guest has been seated, anyone else who arrives should wait until after the processional to enter the ceremony site. At that point, the latecomer can slip into a seat in the last row, or simply stand quietly in the back.

Another type of guest who steals the bride’s thunder  is the guest who shows up looking so dramatic that all eyes will be upon her all night. You know the one; she is wearing a backless cocktail dress with enough wedding jewelry up for the entire bridal party. Or the aunt who insists on wearing her $50,000 diamond and sapphire suite of jewelry to a simple afternoon wedding in the bride’s backyard. If you are the bride, the only thing to do is to smile; don’t waste a second of your time worrying about the other person stealing your spotlight, because no one can outshine a bride on her wedding day.

Handy Tips for Bridesmaids

Here are some handy tips for bridesmaids to help you be the best bridesmaid a bride could ever have.

Tip No. 1: Assume that the bride will go a little crazy, and be there to pull her back from the brink. A wedding is such an emotionally charged time that even the most level headed bride is sure to have some stressful moments. When she is on the verge of a breakdown because the printer spelled her name wrong on the invitations or her fiance chose a golf weekend with his buddies over a trip to a wedding show, a good bridesmaid will help the bride to calm down. Take her out to dinner or a funny movie, and help take her mind off of the wedding for a few hours until she has calmed down.

Tip No. 2: Anticipate the bride’s needs as much as possible. You know that her mother drives her crazy? Then run interference at the bridal shower and occupy her mother with an engaging conversation to keep her away from the bride. You know your friend dreads shopping? Then make appointments for her at the bridal shops and take her to find the perfect gown. If the bride is a people pleaser? Let her think that you love the bridesmaid dress that she has chosen, even if you hate the color. You can always spruce it up with some fabulous bridesmaid jewelry to make it look prettier, and the bride will be happy if she believes that you are happy.

Tip No. 3: Be prompt and responsible. If the bride says that everyone needs to have their deposits into the bridal shop for bridesmaid dresses by Saturday, get yours in on Thursday.  Don’t be that one girl that the bride has to chase down for everything.

Tip No. 4: Take the time to look your best for her wedding.  Be sure that your nails are freshly manicured and get your hair styled. Do not show up to the wedding in a dress that is wrinkled, shoes that are scuffed, or bridesmaid jewelry that needs to be polished. It is bound to make the bride feel like you did not care enough about her wedding (even if you are genuinely overjoyed for her). After all, part of being a great bridesmaid is being a considerate friend.

Wedding Things That I am Over!

If you look at enough pictures of weddings, after a while, you start to see the same things done in the same way over and over again. Sometimes these are ideas that started out as fresh trends only to become so popular that they have lost their unique appeal. In other instances, brides might be doing something in the established way, and it just feels too dated and overdone. This is a list of wedding things that I am over; read along and see if you agree!

Strapless Dresses. Yes I know that they are very flattering and that they also account for 3/4s of the available gown choices these days. And yet it seems like for the last however many years, every bride you see is wearing some variation of a strapless gown. Enough already! The freshest new looks are the one shoulder gowns, often with unique and special couture styling that give them a daring yet elegant appeal. If asymmetry is not your thing, there are also some lovely new gowns with wide set straps that flow into plunging deep v-necks, which is incredibly flattering on most women.

Too Much Jewelry or Not Enough. This may seem like a contradiction, but it seems like many brides have trouble finding that perfect happy medium when it comes to their accessories. You either see brides who are trying to make a minimalist and ultra-modern statement by omitting any ornamentation or brides who pile on so much jewelry that they end up looking like soap opera stars. Neither extreme is good! On the one hand, your wedding is not the time to dress down, so a subtle piece or two of crystal bridal jewelry makes a nice addition to a very simple gown. On the other hand, a very big rhinestone necklace paired with a bold tiara is just way too much. You should pick one stand out accessory, and pair it with a good supporting cast.

Choreographed First Dances. Taking dance lessons so that you don’t feel foolish taking a spin around the dance floor during your spotlight dance is a wonderful idea. Hiring a choreographer and involving an entire cast of “extras”  is just plain tacky. Your guests come to your wedding to join you in celebrating your marriage, not to see a Broadway show. Can we please have a return to the days where the newlyweds did an awkward but honest shuffle around the dance floor to “At Last” or “Unforgettable” and then the floor was opened up to others? Please?

Overly Clever Wedding Cakes. The trend in recent years has been for wedding cakes that are more and more unusual and eye-popping. Neon colors, tilted tiers, lights, sparkles, and cakes costing many, many thousands of dollars have become the norm. There comes a point, however, when you can just get too clever in trying to make your cake unique and it loses the idea of simple beauty that has guided brides for generations. I think that we have reached a tipping point on the trendy cakes, and that it is time for a return to the classics. After several years of over-the-top cake design, more simple desserts will feel like a breath of fresh air.