Small Ceremony, Big Reception

Some brides cannot wait for the drama of their grand entrance at the wedding ceremony, as they process down the aisle in front of hundreds of guests. For other brides, not so much! A great way to balance the wish for a very intimate wedding ceremony with the desire to celebrate your marriage with all of your friends and family is to have a private ceremony and a large reception. This is a look at how to plan a small ceremony and a big reception.

There are plenty of reasons why a small wedding ceremony might make sense for you. Maybe you dream of getting married on a sun-swept beach on a far-flung tropical island paradise, and know that only your closest family will be willing to make the trip. Or perhaps you break out in a cold sweat everytime you think about having hundreds of people watching you as you exchange your vows, and want a very low-key ceremony to alleviate your stage fright.  A small, non-traditional ceremony can help in this situation.

For couples who really want an ultra-tiny ceremony, a private service at home with only their parents, siblings, and one or two closest friends might be the way to go. Having a large wedding at home is a massive undertaking, but a very small one can easily be held in your living room with no special accommodations. Have a couple of bottles of Champagne on hand to toast the newlyweds at the end, and everyone can go out to a nice restaurant for dinner. That is all you need for a special private ceremony at home.

After your small ceremony, follow it up with a fabulous reception. Any style will do, from very traditional wedding reception in a country club or hotel to a casual barbeque for three hundred of your closest friends. If you opt for a traditional reception, by all means dress the part. For brides that means beautiful wedding gowns with classic sets of bridal jewelry and either suits or tuxedos for grooms. This is nice for the bride who did not wear a gown for a very small ceremony, as it gives her the chance to get all dressed up in full bridal regalia for the reception (perhaps minus the veil). The small ceremony followed by a large reception may be just the perfect combination for your wedding.

Choosing a Wedding Officiant

Naturally, if the bride or groom has attended a particular church for a long time, it makes sense to have their priest, rabbi, or minister as the wedding officiant. This is especially true if the bride or groom has some sort of relationship with their minister; it is always obvious during a wedding if the officiant knows the couple personally, and it adds tremendously to the beauty of the ceremony. It is always lovely to hear the pastor talking about the bride and groom and their life together in a way that is specific, rather than merely generic.

On the other hand, it is sort of sad to see the bride up at the altar in her gorgeous gown and spectacular wedding jewelry waiting to say the most important words of her life “(“I do”) and the officiant mispronounces her name. No matter how great she looks in her gown and jewelry, this is a cringe-worthy moment at a wedding. This is why it is far better to be married by your own clergyman, even if it means having the ceremony in a church which is not the most convenient location or the most grand. Better to move the reception, if it means having an officiant who knows you well.

In some cases, the bride and groom will opt to have a secular officiant for their ceremony. It might be that neither is particularly religious, they may not agree on religious denomination and choose to have a neutral wedding, or it may be that they want to get married in a setting for which they cannot have their usual clergyman present. Most Catholics, for instance, will have to get married in a church if they want to have a priest preside over the service; if an outdoor ceremony is the Catholic bride’s wish, it may be necessary to find a justice of the peace.

Another option is to have a close friend or family member certified to be a legal officiant. The rules and laws vary by state, so don’t just assume that your best friend can send away to become a mail-order minister the month before the wedding. Remember that even if it is not feasible for your preferred officiant to become legal to marry you, they can share the role with a justice of the peace who can make the marriage official. That can be a great solution which allows you to have the personal touch of a dear friend helping to marry you while still ensuring that everything will be legal in your home state.

Etiquette for Religious Wedding Ceremonies

These days it is very common for people to have friends and even family members who are of a different religion (or possibly who follow no religion at all). It is also far more common than it used to be for the bride and groom to come from different faiths. All of this diversity can lead to some confusion on the part of the guests. It is up to the bride and groom to make sure that their guests have an understanding of what is happening, and it also falls upon the witnesses at the wedding ceremony to know how to act and what to do at a religious wedding.

A very simple thing which the bride and groom can do from the start is to give guests a hint about what is to come with their wedding invitations. The name of the house of worship being listed as the ceremony site should make it obvious to anyone that the ceremony will be religious in nature, of course, but there is more than can be done. It is particularly important that Roman Catholics specify that guests are invited to a Nuptial Mass, if they have opted to have a full Mass with Communion. The Nuptial Mass by its nature is one of the longer wedding ceremonies, and guests appreciate having a sense of what to expect.

When a wedding ceremony is religious in nature, it may include rituals which are unfamiliar to some of the guests. This is when a wedding program can come in really handy. If a couple will be having a Jewish service for instance, it would be very nice to include brief explanations of some of the customs, such as the chuppah, so that people of other faiths can follow along and also so they can have a greater appreciation for the significance of any special rituals. It can also be considerate to include a notation such as, “We invite all those who have been baptized to join in the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist” or something to that effect at a Catholic ceremony.

Wedding guests have a few responsibilities of their own at a religious wedding. Chief among them is to show respect, whether they share the bride and groom’s faith or not. This means dressing appropriately in demure clothing with classic accessories like pearl wedding jewelry, rather than showing up in something risque or flashy. When a guest is unfamiliar with the rituals of a particular religion, they should simply do their best to follow along: stand when others stand, sit when they sit, and so forth. Guests should not take part in any religious customs which are reserved for members of a religion to which they do not belong. And last, but not least, wedding guests should refrain from obviously checking their watches to see “how much longer this thing can possibly drag on”, even if it is a full Nuptial Mass! With these pointers in mind, the wedding ceremony should be every bit as meaningful and blessed as the bride and groom intended.

Dos and Don’ts of Church Wedding Ceremonies

To get you started on planning the perfect wedding, take a look at the dos and don’ts of a church wedding ceremony.

Do: Dress appropriately. The exact definition of proper wedding attire will vary a bit from one house of worship to the next, so always consult with your officiant before purchasing a bridal gown. In general, a wedding gown for a church ceremony should err on the side of modesty. Stick with classic styles and timeless jewelry such as pearl earrings. If you want to indulge in a sexier wedding gown, change out of your ceremony dress and pearl earrings into a slinky sheath and dramatic drop earrings for the reception.

Don’t: Forget about the size of the aisle when wedding gown shopping. If your church is a tiny chapel with narrow aisles, that voluminous ballgown will be too full to move around in gracefully. On the other hand, a simple A-line bridal gown will be lost in the grandeur of a cathedral, which is why the cathedral length train exists.

Do: Plan to make some sort of donation to the house of worship in which your wedding is held. In some instances, the amount of the donation is entirely voluntary, with typical offerings ranging from a few hundred dollars and up. Large churches like St. Patrick’s Cathedral have set donation fees. Be sure to find out how your church prefers to receive the donation, whether it is in advance or on the day of the event.

Don’t: Worry too much about bringing in a lot of flowers and other decorations for the church. Many are so pretty anyway that a few floral displays on the altar and bows on the ends of the pews are all that is needed. Also keep in mind that there may be seasonal decor already in place for weddings which take place near holidays. Save the majority of your decorating budget for the reception where it will really be needed.

Wedding Ceremony Checklist

Okay, the big day is finally here, and in mere moments the wedding ceremony will begin! At this point, all of the big stuff should be under control, but there are still a few finishing touches to be put in place. Make sure that you do not overlook anything with this wedding ceremony checklist.

First, the maid of honor or the bride’s mother should spend a few minutes carefully looking over the bridal ensemble.  Check to be sure that her veil is securely anchored and the headpiece is nice and straight. Have any clasps on pieces of bridal jewelry slid to the front? If the bridal gown has those little hanging straps, be sure that they are completed tucked into the side of the gown or better yet, just cut them out. Does the bride have her something old, new, borrowed, and blue? And finally, someone should make certain that the bride does not have any lipstick on her teeth!

The groom has a few last minute tasks to undertake as well before taking his place at the altar. Is his breath fresh? If not, he can quickly pop a mint or a piece of gum. But for goodness sake, take the gum out of your mouth before the ceremony begins! I have actually witnessed grooms chewing gum while reciting their vows, and it looks absolutely terrible. Speaking of vows, if you have written your own for the ceremony, be sure you have them in your jacket pocket. The groom should also take a moment to comb his hair, straighten his tie, and adjust his boutonierre, if needed.

The wedding party should also get themselves ready before the ceremony music begins. Bridesmaids, if you need to adjust your strapless gown, this is the time to do it! Please resist the urge to tug on your dress while standing at the altar. The best man has one incredibly important thing to check before the wedding ceremony, and that is to make sure that he has the wedding bands. He would also be a good person to make sure that the troops are in order: shirts neatly tucked in, boutonierres in place, ties straight, and so on. With everyone looking their best, the wedding will be ready to go!

The Order of a Wedding Processional

Organizing a wedding can be a bit confusing. In what order should everyone walk down the aisle? How do I line up my bridesmaids? What do I do with the mother of the bride? Do the groomsmen walk at all? These are some of the commonly asked questions by brides everywhere. To sort it all out, here is what you need to know about the order of the wedding processional.

Think of the wedding processional as more than a way to get people from one end of an aisle to another. It is an integral part of the wedding ceremony, not as important as the exchange of marriage vows of course, but still significant. The idea is that the processional builds anticipation until the grand moment when the bride is revealed in her beautiful white gown, long flowing veil, and dazzling bridal jewelry. This is why it pays to spend a little time to get it all right, and why wedding rehearsals are so important.

The processional begins when the groomsmen begin their march down the aisle. The groomsmen are followed by the bridesmaids. Traditionally, they walk in pairs, but in many weddings, bridesmaids will march single file, especially when the wedding party is not particularly large or the aisle very wide. The last of the bridesmaids to march is the maid of honor. If there is a ring bearer, he is next in line, followed by the flower girl, who traditionally scatters petals upon which the bride will walk.

Once everyone else has completed their trip down the aisle, the bride and her escort begin their march. As this is a central moment in the ceremony, they should wait until all the last member of the bridal party has reached the altar and is standing still; no one wants their view of the bride blocked by a bridesmaid. Then it is time for the bride and her father, or both parents in the case of a Jewish wedding, to make their way to the altar, and the marriage ceremony can begin.

Legal Requirements to Marry

When a couple becomes engaged, their thoughts naturally turn to the wedding. After all, it is fun and exciting to think about the wedding ceremony, flowers, bridal gowns, fabulous jewelry, and the like. But before you dive into designing wedding cakes and bridal jewelry, take a minute to deal with the practical stuff first. This is an overview of the legal requirements to marry that every bride and groom needs to read.

Perhaps it should go without saying, but in order to be free and clear to marry, both parties must first be completely out of any previous marriages. It sounds obvious, but you hear all the time about couples becoming engaged before the divorce is final, which frankly is unwise for numerous reasons. In many states you will need to bring the divorce decree with you to the county clerk along with your proof of identification when you go to obtain a marriage license.

In order to marry without parental consent, both people must be at least 18 years old in most states. The minimum age limit is set at 19 in Nebraska and 21 in Mississippi. In every state, there are provisions for people to marry with parental consent; the age limit for that is 16 or 17 in most states. A few states do make exceptions for females that are younger if pregnant. Judicial consent is required on top of parental consent in those cases. What about the controversial topic of first cousins marrying? It is permitted in 21 states, allowed under certain circumstances in 6, and forbidden outright in the other states.

The marriage license will need to be obtained in person in the state in which you plan to marry, usually with both people present. Also keep in mind that marriage licenses do generally expire (around 60 days is common, but it can be as little as 30 days or as long as a year), and some states have a brief waiting period before the marriage can be conducted. Each state has its own particular rules, so be sure to check the laws for your state. You may need a blood test (very rare), pre-marital counseling, and there are variations in who is permitted to officiate over a marriage. Remember to bring your i.d. and cash to pay for the license. Once you have your ducks in a row legally, you will be able to get your marriage license and begin the fun of planning your wedding ceremony!

Secret Wedding Ceremonies

Fans of “The Office” got to watch Pam and Jim have two marriage ceremonies: the “official” one for family and friends, which was preceded by a secret one for just the two of them. Secret wedding ceremonies are not just for television characters; this is something that people actually do in real life. This is what you should know about secret wedding ceremonies, from the why to the when to the how.

Let’s start with the reason why an engaged couple might decide to have a secret wedding ceremony. The most common one is for the same reasons why Pam and Jim had their private vows on “The Office”: you feel as though the wedding day is becoming all about everyone else. So many couples get roped into having the wedding of someone else’s dreams that it increasingly feels like the real reason for the entire day gets lost in the hoopla. Having a private ceremony with just the two of you can be a way to recapture the idea that the whole point of having a wedding is to celebrate the love of the bride and groom as they pledge to spend their lives together.

When having a private exchange of vows, there are several key things to keep in mind. The most important one is that if you truly intend to keep it a secret and let everyone assume that they are watching you tie the knot at the big wedding, the secret must be held very closely. The reality is that “the bride and groom are already married” is way too big a secret for anyone to keep, so your best bet is to share the news with no one. Imagine how offended your immediate family would be to learn that you got married without telling them or inviting them.

Of course, a private marriage ceremony is a monumental occasion, even when you plan to follow it with a large public wedding. It will likely be low-key, but you should still make the effort to make the event special. The bride should wear a pretty dress along with some delicate handcrafted bridal jewelry. The dress worn to the secret vow exchange will likely be much less formal than the main wedding gown, perhaps simply a lovely day dress in your favorite color. Certainly the bride should have a bouquet, and it would be nice to hold your ceremony in a location that is beautiful and meaningful to you, whether that is overlooking a gorgeous lake or right in your own living room.

Grand Cathedral Weddings

If your dream is to have a grand wedding ceremony like something out of a fairy tale, then a cathedral just might be the perfect venue for you. They are unmatched in their soaring grandeur and impressive architecture, and there is no more breathtaking ceremony venue. This is what you need to know to plan the perfect grand cathedral wedding.

In some communities, use of the cathedral may be reserved for parish members, but this is not the case everywhere. St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York, for instance, will open its doors to Catholics from outside of the parish. Something that is important to keep in mind when considering such a famous site for your wedding is that you may not be able to have a private ceremony. This is the case at St. Patrick’s, which does remain open to the general public during wedding ceremonies.  You should also be aware that while a house of worship does not usually charge a fee for its use, there may well be a minimum mandatory “donation”, which can run into a couple of thousand dollars.

A grand setting demands equally grand attire; this is a chance for a bride to choose something really spectacular. The long aisle of a cathedral is the perfect setting for (you guessed it) a cathedral length train. If you prefer a more fitted gown with a shorter train, up the wow factor with a cathedral length veil, which looks absolutely stunning over a beaded sheath cut bridal gown.

The rest of the wedding party will want to look equally fabulous. The bridesmaids should definitely wear floor length dresses, accented with pretty bridesmaid jewelry sets and gorgeous bouquets. Very petite accessories will get swallowed up in a large cathedral, so opt for sets of bridesmaid jewelry with great impact, such as sparkling Swarovski crystals in your wedding colors.

Imagine the scene: grand doors part, a pipe organ plays, and a bride in a fabulous gown glides down a long aisle to a flower-bedecked altar. Now imagine that the bride taking place in a scene straight from a Hollywood spectacular is you. It could be, if you decide to have your wedding ceremony in a marvelous cathedral.

Dividing a Venue into Ceremony and Reception

Your wedding is divided into two distinctive parts: the ceremony and the reception. Each half will have its own unique decorations and character, and this is achieved by the design of the spaces. If you have ever watched a wedding show, you know how important the big reveal is. When the guests arrive at your wedding ceremony, this is the first reveal. The grand entrance of the bride in her long white gown, flowing veil, and stunning bridal jewelry is another big moment. This is followed by the first time that the guests see the reception room, and finally by the newlywed’s big entrance, often made more dramatic by a change to a different bridal gown and set of jewelry.

Each of these moments is a highlight of the wedding, which is why it is important to keep the ceremony and reception feeling separate from one another. If your guests can see the reception space as they are sitting for the ceremony, you will lose much of the impact and drama, no matter how fabulous the decorations are at the reception.

There are a few ways in which you can deal with having your entire event in one room. In many cases, large bolts of fabric can be your best ally. It all depends on the layout of your space. When the guests must pass by the dinner tables on their way to the ceremony seating, pretty fabric can be hung to form a hallway and partition off the reception area from view. When the ceremony has concluded, the fabric panels can be moved to close off the seating for that portion of the wedding, creating the feeling of an entirely different space.

It is common in hotels for one ballroom to be used for the entire wedding. This can work quite well if the hotel has a separate area that you can use for your cocktail hour. Some possibilities include porches, atriums, gardens, or adjacent ballrooms. The guests will leave the room after the service, and the staff will quickly turn it over. In other words, the seating for the ceremony is whisked away and the dinner tables are rushed in to take their place. This works best if your table design is fairly easy to set up, as time will be at a premium. The extra effort will all be worth it when your guests get to be wowed, not once, but twice at your wedding.