What to Do When a Member of the Wedding Party Gets Sick

As with anything, there are degrees of illness. If a bridesmaid catches a cold the week of the wedding, she needs to take some cold medicine, stuff some tissues into her tiny little handbag, and show up at the appointed time in her dress and bridesmaid jewelry, ready to go. Pay your sick bridesmaid a little special attention by having some orange juice or a nice warm bowl of chicken soup waiting for her when she shows up to get her hair and makeup done. Of course, she would be forgiven for leaving the reception right after the cake cutting to go home and sleep.

Something like the flu, on the other hand, has the potential to knock a groomsman or bridesmaid right out of the wedding party. You don’t want someone standing at the altar who is likely to vomit right when the minister asks if anyone objects to the marriage! For that matter, your guests will not remember your wedding fondly if they all caught the flu from a highly contagious groomsman. If the fluish one happens to be one of the parents of the bride or groom, obviously they would do their best to make it to the wedding, but they should definitely skip the receiving line!

When the illness is more serious, flexibility is the key. This is no time to worry about whether the groomsmen and bridesmaid numbers will end up uneven at the last minute. If a member of the bridal party does have to bow out due to a serious illness, it would be very gracious of the bride to pay for her bridesmaid dress and bridesmaid jewelry and give it to her as a gift. If you are having a wedding program, by all means list her as an honorary bridesmaid. It would be very, very sweet to have a bridesmaid bouquet made for her and have it delivered to her bedside as well.

In very rare cases, an immediate member of the bride or groom’s family (parent, grandparent, or sibling usually) might be so very ill right before the wedding that their very life hangs in the balance. There comes a point when it is necessary to either postpone the wedding or to scale it back dramatically. If the very ill person is one of the bride or groom’s parents, they may even wish to consider having their ceremony at their parent’s bedside, if the patient is up to it. At least that way, all the most important people would still be there to witness the marriage.

The Fine Art of Wedding Etiquette

Sometimes when you first start planning a wedding, the etiquette can seem overwhelming and perhaps even a little bewildering. However, following proper etiquette is a very important part of planning a wedding; it is about much more than style or appearances – good etiquette ensures that everyone feels respected and enjoys the event. This is a look at the fine art of wedding etiquette.

For those who do not know an invitation from an announcement, a great place to start is with one of the soup-to-nuts etiquette book, such as Emily Post’s. A comprehensive etiquette book not only covers things like how to write a proper thank you note, but will offer guidelines about many practical aspects as well. You can learn what sorts of items make appropriate bridesmaid gifts, how many appetizers to order per guest, and the order of the ceremony processional.

It also helps to have an understanding about the reasons behind some of the seemingly arcane bits of wedding etiquette. Why go to the trouble of creating a seating chart for the reception? It is because a good host takes care to put together dinner tables with a mix of people who will enjoy one another’s company and carry on lively conversation.  It also allows the bride and groom to make sure that honored guests, such as parents and grandparents, are assigned seats at the head tables, and it can even allow the bride the chance to try her hand at a little discreet matchmaking among the couple’s single friends.

Another great reason to brush up on your Emily Post is to make sure that you are a) making you guests feel appreciated and b) avoiding causing any offense. This is where thank you notes come into play. Dashing off a few words of personal appreciation on pretty stationery is nothing compared to the effort (not to mention the expense) that goes into shopping for, purchasing, wrapping, and shipping a wedding present. To neglect this most basic bridal duty is to both show a distinct lack of appreciation and to offend the giver at the same time. Knowing the proper etiquette, on the other hand, will make a fine impression on all of your wedding guests…including the friends of your in-laws, who are sure to comment to your mother-in-law about what a thoughtful, polite woman her son was lucky enough to marry.

Can You Wear White to Someone Else’s Wedding?

The reason to avoid wearing white as a wedding guest is that the color is reserved for the bride. It is the job of guests at weddings to be dressed appropriately and festively, but not to upstage the bride. Wearing white can definitely fall into the category of drawing attention from the bride, even if it is completely unintentional. This is particularly true if you wear some sort of a white dress with pearl wedding jewelry. Unless you are actually wearing a wedding gown, no one is going to mistake you for the bride, yet it would still be pushing the edge of good taste. While the bride might not be uptight about such old-fashioned rules, the chances are that her grandmother will be, and why do something that is likely to offend?

For a summer wedding, it is true that many of the prettier dresses in the stores may be white (more so some years than others), but there are so many other colors out there in the world that one can surely find a safer alternative. Another option is to wear a dress with a white background which has a colorful print on it, such as blue and pink flowers. Few would find fault with that; even those who interpret traditional wedding etiquette strictly will understand that a patterned dress with a little white in the background is in no way an attempt to upstage the bride. The one exception, by the way, to wearing white attire to a wedding is the naval officer’s summer dress white attire.

These days, black has become fairly accepted for wedding guest attire in many social circles (especially around the big cities). That said, there will still be those who find it inappropriate for a wedding, and it should be avoided by the mothers of the bride and groom due to the old meaning that black meant disapproval of the match. For the other guests, while you probably can get away with wearing black, especially for an evening wedding, it is still not the best color choice. Why? Because black is rather somber and dark for an occasion as festive as a wedding. Even if it is not strictly taboo, it is still nicer to wear a color other than black.

This brings us to the other old belief, that red is inappropriate for a wedding guest. The simple reason for the ban on red is that it is bright and flashy. While no one will think you are trying to look like a bride (white) or show disapproval (black), they might well think that you are trying to upstage the bride by wearing such a bright color.  That said, red can definitely be worn in a manner that is completely appropriate for a wedding. The key when wearing a bold color is to select a dress with a very classic design. When dressing for a wedding, let your good taste and good judgment be your guide to sartorial success.

Modern Wedding Etiquette

Weddings are full of traditions, customs, and etiquette. However, like all other cultural institutions, wedding are fluid and do change with the times, at least in some instances. Even wedding etiquette evolves, and certain things which were once taboo might now be widely acceptable. This is the most up-to-date modern wedding etiquette.

Old Rule: Black is for funerals, and therefore is strictly taboo for wedding attire.

New Rule: Black is acceptable for wedding attire, particularly in the evening, as long as it is party wear (no business suits on ladies) and worn with festive accessories, such as sparkly Swarovski crystal earrings. A word of caution: this change in etiquette is somewhat regional, being widely accepted in big cities, but not in all areas of the country. A black dress at a wedding in a conservative Southern town is going to be the cause of some raised eyebrows.

Old Rule: The rehearsal dinner is an event for the bridal party and the immediate families of the bride and groom.

New Rule: With most wedding guests being out-of-towners these days, the most gracious option is a wedding welcome party the night before the wedding which includes all of the guests who are present.

Old Rule: Guests may not leave a wedding reception until the newlyweds have made their departure.

New Rule: These days, many newlyweds stay and dance all night at their receptions, especially if they are having a late night after-party with a d.j. Guests who do not have the stamina to outlast the bride and groom can leave after the cake has been cut without feeling impolite.

Old Rule: A white bridal gown represents purity. A first time bride wearing another color risks being labeled a “Jezebel” and a second time bride wearing white is an absolute scandal.

New Rule: White is a just a color, if a traditional one. Any bride may wear white if she pleases, just as any bride may opt for a different color, even red. Like the rule about wearing black, this one may vary depending on how conservative the town or family is. A second time bride should avoid a long train and veil, even if she does wear a white wedding dress.

Naturally, brides and guests may always choose to follow the more traditional form of etiquette (personally, I would not wear an all black dress to a wedding), but the updated etiquette does allow for some more flexibility in preparing for a wedding.

Etiquette for Religious Wedding Ceremonies

These days it is very common for people to have friends and even family members who are of a different religion (or possibly who follow no religion at all). It is also far more common than it used to be for the bride and groom to come from different faiths. All of this diversity can lead to some confusion on the part of the guests. It is up to the bride and groom to make sure that their guests have an understanding of what is happening, and it also falls upon the witnesses at the wedding ceremony to know how to act and what to do at a religious wedding.

A very simple thing which the bride and groom can do from the start is to give guests a hint about what is to come with their wedding invitations. The name of the house of worship being listed as the ceremony site should make it obvious to anyone that the ceremony will be religious in nature, of course, but there is more than can be done. It is particularly important that Roman Catholics specify that guests are invited to a Nuptial Mass, if they have opted to have a full Mass with Communion. The Nuptial Mass by its nature is one of the longer wedding ceremonies, and guests appreciate having a sense of what to expect.

When a wedding ceremony is religious in nature, it may include rituals which are unfamiliar to some of the guests. This is when a wedding program can come in really handy. If a couple will be having a Jewish service for instance, it would be very nice to include brief explanations of some of the customs, such as the chuppah, so that people of other faiths can follow along and also so they can have a greater appreciation for the significance of any special rituals. It can also be considerate to include a notation such as, “We invite all those who have been baptized to join in the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist” or something to that effect at a Catholic ceremony.

Wedding guests have a few responsibilities of their own at a religious wedding. Chief among them is to show respect, whether they share the bride and groom’s faith or not. This means dressing appropriately in demure clothing with classic accessories like pearl wedding jewelry, rather than showing up in something risque or flashy. When a guest is unfamiliar with the rituals of a particular religion, they should simply do their best to follow along: stand when others stand, sit when they sit, and so forth. Guests should not take part in any religious customs which are reserved for members of a religion to which they do not belong. And last, but not least, wedding guests should refrain from obviously checking their watches to see “how much longer this thing can possibly drag on”, even if it is a full Nuptial Mass! With these pointers in mind, the wedding ceremony should be every bit as meaningful and blessed as the bride and groom intended.

Electronic Wedding Etiquette

It seems like every day one hears of new ways in which electronic communications are being used in appalling ways related to weddings. As technology evolves, etiquette comes along for the ride to ensure that brides and grooms know how to graciously comport themselves in any situation. This is the latest electronic wedding etiquette, including Facebook, texting, wedding websites, and email.

Did you hear the one about the groom who stopped in the middle of his wedding ceremony to update his status on Facebook to “married”? Either he has the world’s least trusting bride or he went way too far. A marriage ceremony is a solemn and momentous occasion, certainly not one which should be interrupted by something so trivial. The worst part is that once word of something like that gets out on the Internet, other people will also decide to give it a go, even if it is only done in jest.

It should really go without saying that guests should turn off their cell phones for the duration of a wedding ceremony (as well as for funerals). Times being what they are, it must also be stated that the groom should turn off his cell phone, and that the bride should not be carrying one at all, even if she has one of those wedding gowns with pockets. No matter how many crystals you put on it, a cell phone cannot count as wedding jewelry! Save the ringing for the church bells, please.

Wedding websites can be a fantastic way to share information about your upcoming nuptials with your guests. They can, however, get a bride and groom into some trouble. For one thing, bridal registry information, while an acceptable item to include on a wedding website, should not be the main feature. Wedding invitations and thank you notes should never be sent by e-mail. This is one time when the old way of doing things is still the best way, even for the most modern of couples.

Wedding Etiquette Books

Just as every bride is different, so is every wedding etiquette  book. For instance, if you are the kind of bride who likes everything to be “just so”, with your sets cultured pearl bridal bracelets, matching earrings, and necklaces, you will enjoy the style of “Miss Manners on Weddings”, which happens to be my personal favorite wedding etiquette primer. It is a short book, and by no means comprehensive, but it hits the high points, and does so in the usual amusing style of the doynenne of etiquette, Miss Manners. The witty anecdotes are a very amusing distraction from the stress of planning a wedding, and should you ever need to know the polite way to respond when someone asks to bring a monkey to your wedding ceremony, this book will have all the answers.

If you are looking for a basic wedding etiquette book that will cover every conceivable detail from the bridal shower through the end of the reception, then “Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette” is for you. It is a hefty book, and at over 400 pages, you might not end up reading the entire tome from start to finish, but it makes a very handy reference tool for all of those sticky situations that crop up during the course of planning a wedding. The Emily Post book also covers quite a few contemporary etiquette situations, such as multicultural weddings and blended families.

For brides who spend hours on the internet checking out all of the latest tips and ideas or who buy every wedding magazine at the store, there are a couple of wedding etiquette books out now from the top wedding magazine/website editors. The countless fans of The Knot, will enjoy delving into “The Knot Complete Guide to Weddings in the Real World”. Another fan favorite is “Brides Book of Etiquette” from the same people who write the popular magazine “Brides”.

There are also more specialized wedding etiquette books available. Budget bride? Then check out “Bridal Bargains, 9^th edition: Secrets to Throwing a Fantastic Wedding on a Realistic Budget”. Or perhaps you need help fine tuning your wedding invitation wording. “Crane’s Wedding Blue Book” is there to help. There are also etiquette books on topics ranging from military weddings to gay weddings to weddings for blended families. Whatever your situation, whatever your style, there is an etiquette book available to help you plan your dream wedding.

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Bachelorette Parties

Does a bachelorette party have to be rauchy? No! For that matter, neither does a bachelor party. The idea is to get together with your friends for one last night of fun before your wedding, and if Chippendale dancers and suggestively shaped lollipops are not your idea of a good time, then by all means skip the naughty stuff. A girls’ night out at your favorite pub or hitting the dance floor at the hottest nightclub in town are also fun and memorable, and you won’t spend the night feeling embarrassed.

Who pays for the bachelorette party? The bachelorette party is most often organized by the maid of honor and the bridesmaids (one more reason they deserve really awesome bridesmaid gifts!). If the party is one night at a local bar, they will usually split the costs between them. It may be that any upfront costs are evenly divided  and that each person pays for her own drinks and chips in extra to make sure the bride’s bar tab is covered at the end of the night. However, if the bachelorette party is going to be held over a weekend away at a spa or a party town like Las Vegas, the bride should be expected to pay for many of her own expenses. And no, the bridesmaids do not have to cover her gambling losses at the casino!

Who should be invited? Certainly, all of the bridesmaids and the maid of honor. Unless you are opting for a spa day or some other G-rated activity, the younger members of the bridal party should sit this one out. When the bachelorette party is held locally, feel free to invite the bride’s other friends who are not in the wedding, her co-workers, and so on. Who to leave out? The mothers and grandmothers of the bride and groom! Also don’t plan on inviting an extended entourage if you are taking the party on the road; it is just too expensive for most people.

Can it be co-ed? Sure! Just as bridal showers are now sometimes “Jack and Jill” events, so too can there be a co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party. Assemble the whole gang for a wild adventure at a favorite watering hole or club. At least this way, the bride and groom will not have to wonder what the other one did at their party!

Thoughtful Brides Know…

Sure, most of the brides you see on television are not the most thoughtful people. After all, more people will tune in to see an episode of “Bridezillas” than to watch a program about brides behaving beautifully. When it comes to your own real-life wedding, though, you could not do any better than to get a reputation for being a considerate and gracious bride. These are the things that thoughtful brides all know…

Your guests do not want to be inconvenienced. This means things like going with your second choice reception venue over your favorite because it is fifteen minutes away from the church instead of almost an hour away. It could mean setting up a bridal registry at a national chain, not just online if you will be having a lot of older guests who might prefer shopping in a brick and mortar store with salespeople to help them. Not hosting your reception in a remote location like a mountain top that involves a hike, unless all of your guests will be fitness nuts.

Everyone appreciates being appreciated. There will be countless opportunities to express your gratitude while planning your wedding. One of the most important ones is to give special thank you bridesmaid gifts like jewelry to your wedding party. If you take the time to customize or personalize your bridesmaid jewelry gifts, your attendants will feel even more special. And don’t forget about everyone else who helped to make your wedding a success; a simple note of appreciation with a photograph will mean a lot to your baker, florist, and the rest of your vendors.

Spending time to get the reception seating chart just right is really important. No one enjoys making seating charts, but the best hosts will always make an effort to seat people together who will enjoy each other’s company at dinner. Do your best to avoid leaving anyone stranded at a table with total strangers. Finally, be sure that anyone who does not get along will not be at adjacent tables, and arrange it so that divorced parents can each head their own table in a way that will make them feel equally important. It takes a little extra effort, but it is well worth it to be a gracious bride.

Tacky Wedding Ideas

The dictionary definition of the word tacky is “lacking style or good taste”. Not exactly the vision that most brides would say they have for their weddings, and yet every Saturday of the year, there are plenty of tacky things taking place at weddings around the country. These are some of the tackiest wedding ideas that some couples have at their weddings; ones which brides of taste should try to avoid at all costs!

One of the first examples of this that comes to mind is something that happened at a friend’s wedding. When her in-laws suggested a dollar dance, the naïve young bride, thought to herself, “Money is tight when planning a wedding, so a dollar dance would be a great way to raise some cash for the honeymoon.”. What she did not consider is that a dollar dance was not a custom that was usually observed where she came from, and far from lining up to dance with the bride and stuff money into her apron, the guests were appalled. Everyone remained standing on the sidelines while the bride suffered through the awkwardness of standing out on the dance floor alone for most of the dollar dance. A word to the wise, ladies, no matter how good it may sound at first, a dollar dance is always a tacky idea.

Another truly tacky idea that some couples have is to attempt to round up sponsors for their wedding in the same way one would for a charity event. The bride and groom go around to their relatives asking for donations in exchange for billing in the wedding program or a mention in the wedding toasts. It usually goes something like this: “Aunt Margaret, if you wanted to buy my wedding jewelry and veil for me, I will put a note in the program telling everyone how generous you were. And Uncle Bill, would you like to sponsor the d.j. for the reception?”. There is no other word for this behavior than shocking (or at least no other word that can appear in print!).

There is another very tacky thing that is sadly rather commonplace these days, which is including bridal registry information in the wedding invitations. Many brides may not even realize that this is in poor taste, especially since some registries will give you little cards for the express purpose of putting them in the envelopes with the invitations. But keep in mind that the store may not be worried about offending your guests, but you should be. After all, the last thing that you want is for the first impression people have of your wedding to be,”Oh my gosh – how tacky!”.