Wedding Invitation FAQs

March 29th, 2011

What is the Difference Between “The Pleasure of Your Company” and “The Honour of Your Presence”? This is actually a very easy one: use the phrase “The honour of your presence” on an invitation to a wedding in a house of worship, and use “The pleasure of your company” for a wedding ceremony held anywhere else. It is customary to use the British spelling of the word “honour”, particularly for a formal wedding invitation. Be sure to be consistent, so if you spell honor as “honour”, also use the British spelling “favour” for favor, as in “The favour of a reply is requested”.

When Should Invitations Be Mailed? You need to give your guests adequate notice, so that they have sufficient time to buy plane tickets, find the perfect dress and wedding jewelry, and schedule time off from work. Six to eight weeks before the wedding is the usual time frame for mailing out invitations. That also allows guests enough time to send in their R.s.v.p., so that you can get an accurate head count. If you feel the need to notify guests about your upcoming nuptials more than two months in advance, do so with a save the date card.

What is the Difference Between Engraving and Thermography? Engraving is the most traditional form of printing a wedding invitation. A copper plate is etched with the invitation wording, and then the paper is run through a press over the copper plate. The result is that the words are raised on the surface of the paper in a very elegant fashion. Thermography is a far less expensive process in which powder is combined with ink to print letters which are slightly raised. While thermography is popular because of its lower price point, there are some who find it to be in poor taste; it is often called “fake engraving”.

How Should the Invitation Be Worded When the Bride’s Parents Are Divorced? The names of the bride’s parents should be on two separate lines, starting with her mother’s name. Step-parents are sometimes, but not always, included on the invitation, depending on family dynamics. If the parents’ names are to appear alone, the invitation would be worded: Mrs. Margaret Smith Green / Mr. Richard John Green. The format for the bride’s mother’s name is: First, Maiden, Last (assuming she still uses her former married name; if she has reverted to her maiden name, the format would be Mrs. First, Middle, Maiden). Note that the correct title for a divorced mother of the bride is still “Mrs.”. The form “Ms.” is not used on formal social occasions, and once married, a woman can never revert to being a “Miss”.

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Wedding Invitation Wording Basics

February 2nd, 2011

The standard wedding invitation for a church goes as follows:

Mr. and Mrs. Howard James

Request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Caroline Anne

to

Mr. Charles Young

Saturday, the fifth of June

Two thousand and eleven

at one o’clock in the afternoon

St. Andrew Church

Stamford, Connecticut

A separate smaller card about half the size of the invitation is included which states:

Reception immediately following the ceremony

Green Gables Country Club

Stamford, Connecticut

R.s.v.p.

If the wedding ceremony is to be held in a secular location, replace “the honour of your presence” with “the pleasure of your company”. Please note that the names of the bride’s parents on the invitations indicate that they are the hosts, not that they are paying for every last item, from soup to nuts to wedding jewelry. In these times when the groom’s parents take a more active role in the wedding (financial or not), the couple may wish to include their names as well. This is done in the European fashion, with the lines added under the groom’s name: Mr. Charles Young / son of / Mr. and Mrs. Davis Young.

If there are too many assorted sets of parents to fit one one invitation, the bride and groom are the hosts, or it is the bride’s second wedding, the names of the hosts are omitted. The invitation is issued in the third person like this: The pleasure of your company / is requested at / the marriage of / etc. etc. The rest remains the same. Also note that the R.s.v.p. is tied to the reception invitation, not the ceremony invitation. The form “R.s.v.p. tends to be more popular in the North, and in the South, the term “The favour of a reply is requested” tends to be preferred, but both are equally correct.

These are all the basics you need to know about traditional wedding invitation wording. Non-traditional invitations are not covered, because they tend not to follow custom and etiquette. Whether your wedding is formal or casual, the classic wedding invitation wording will always be appropriate and in good taste.

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Including a Dress Code on Your Wedding Invitations

June 2nd, 2010

Who needs a wedding dress code? More people than may realize it. For instance, your wedding venue might require that gentlemen wear jackets to dinner. How embarrassing it would be for a male guest who showed up wearing a nice shirt and tie without a jacket, only to be turned away or forced to wear an ill-fitting loaner from the venue’s coat closet! It would be much better to add a simple notation like “jackets required” or “formal attire” in the lower right hand of the invitation than to risk having one of your guests be humiliated.

Very casual weddings can actually need stated dress codes as well, to ensure the comfort of the guests. If you are having a beach wedding, your guests might appreciate being forewarned that the ceremony will be on the sand so they know to leave their high heels at home. Having a very relaxed reception around a bonfire? Print the words “casual attire” on your invitation so that people show up dressed comfortably. The last thing you want is for guests to be dressed in such fancy clothing that they cannot relax and enjoy the festivities which you have planned.

Then there is a black tie wedding. Traditionally reserved for weddings which start at 6pm or later, black tie is the most formal wedding other than white tie (which should only be held on winter evenings and are exceedingly rare). There is a lot of angst among brides about whether is it acceptable to put the notation “Black tie” on their wedding invitations. Many brides or their mothers fear that to request black tie will mean that people won’t want to come or that their guests will be put out by the hassle and expense of renting or purchasing a tuxedo. You know your family and friends; if it would not be completely outrageous for them to dress formally, go ahead and request black tie attire if that is what you really want.

The dress code “Black tie optional” has become widely accepted on wedding invitations, but personally I think it is a bad idea. Why? Because then nobody knows how to dress. Your female guests will be left to agonize over whether to wear a floor length dress with opulent crystal wedding jewelry or something shorter and less fancy. The men will be wondering if they will be the only guy to show up in a tuxedo…or the only guy to show up without a tux. Spare your guests the guesswork, and simply request black tie if that is your desire. Otherwise, put no notation regarding attire, and trust your guests to dress appropriately based on the time and location of your wedding.

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Wedding Invitation FAQs

May 6th, 2010

How do I choose a style? Your wedding invitations should match the general style of your wedding. In other words, if you are having a traditional wedding down to wearing your mother’s pearl bridal jewelry, your invitations should reflect that. Black engraving on white or ecru cotton paper will be perfect to convey a feeling of elegance and tradition. Having your wedding in an urban loft? Select a contemporary invitation, such as a square paper in a color with bold sans-serif printing.

What is the difference between engraving, thermography, letterpress, and flat (or offset) printing? Engraving is the most traditional means to put lettering on a formal piece of stationery. It is very upscale and elegant, with a price to match. The wording is etched onto a copper plate and then run through a press with ink and paper. Thermography is a more recent printing method which consists of ink mixed with a powder designed to mimic the raised lettering of engraving. Some people like thermography for making an invitation look formal at a lower cost than engraving, but in some circles, it is considered to be in poor taste. Letterpress is a very popular style of printing for invitations that can look either retro or contemporary. Due to its labor intensive process, it can cost as much as engraving. Flat printing or offset printing is the one type of lettering which does not create either raised or indented lettering. Very affordable and versatile, it is ideal for all but the most formal invitations, and is easy to do at home with a high quality printer.

Should I use “the honour of your presence” or “the pleasure of your company” when issuing a wedding invitation? This one is quite straightforward: the honour of your presence (usually written with the British spelling “honour”) is used to indicate that the ceremony is to take place in a house of worship. For any other venue, the pleasure of your company is the appropriate choice.

How do I word my invitation to make clear who is paying for the wedding? You don’t. Traditionally the bride and groom’s parents are considered to be the hosts of a wedding, which is why the invitation is issued in their names. The parents of the groom may also be included, as is customary in Europe, but none of it has anything to do with who is paying the bills. If the bride and groom prefer to act as hosts, as in the case of a second wedding, it is done so by omitting the host line. “The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of…” instead of “Mr. and Mrs. Jones request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of…”.

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