Proper Wedding Reception Etiquette

Some things are a matter of opinion, while others are truly a matter of etiquette. You might think it is a fabulous idea to change into a second bridal gown and different wedding jewelry for your wedding reception, while your mother might think that a bride should wear her original bridal gown and pearl wedding jewelry for the entire event. That is a question of taste, not of etiquette. Things become a matter of wedding etiquette when they involve how others are being treated or whether they are being embarrassed. Making a boring toast might drag the reception down, but it is not in poor taste; talking about how wild the bride was before she met the groom is definitely a breach of etiquette!

The worst breaches of wedding reception etiquette typically occur when the bride and groom focus more on money than on their guests. The most glaring example of this is the cash bar. It is never acceptable to invite someone to be your guest and then demand that they pay for their own refreshments. Not even if your mom says it is okay or you have been to other receptions with cash bars. The correct approach is to serve what you can afford and to do it graciously. If that means you only have beer and wine, fine. If it means you do not have any alcohol at all, that is also fine. What is not fine is expecting guests to whip out their wallets at any point during your wedding.

Which brings us to the next point of wedding etiquette…your guests should not need any money at your reception. This includes things like tips for the coat check attendant and paying the parking valet. They should be prepaid by the hosts, with a notice to that effect prominently displayed so the guests know they should not tip. Sometimes the question arises of who should get the money from the tip jar at the bar; some people say it should go to the bartender, while others say it goes to the bride. The correct answer is neither, because there should not be a tip jar on the bar at a wedding! If you notice that the bartender has put one out, kindly ask him to remove it, and assure him that you will be covering his gratuity at the end of the evening.

One of the most important aspects of hosting a wedding is attending to the comfort and ease of your guests. There are several ways in which to do this politely. First of all is to seat elderly guests away from speakers and other noisy parts of the room (including the table of your rowdiest friends!). In addition, the guests of honor should be seated closer to the head table. This means that the “prime” tables are usually reserved for the immediate family of the newlyweds, while the ones near the kitchen door are generally inhabited by your co-workers. Speaking of seating etiquette, it is fine to have as many parents’ tables as it takes to make everyone comfortable. Divorced parents should each be the head of their own table. It is rarely a good idea to seat the bride’s divorced parents at the same table for the pretense of having one big happy family.

Wedding Reception Speech Planning

First of all, you should determine before your wedding who will give toasts. Typically, it will be the best man, the father of the bride, and the groom. There are others who may wish to say something as well, including the father of the groom, the maid of honor, and the bride. Sometimes the siblings of the bride and groom are also interested in giving toasts. It is generally best not to open the floor up to everyone at the reception, however, as the speeches can end up going on until the point where everyone is bored to tears.

Everyone who is going to speak should prepare a short speech beforehand to avoid rambling toasts that seem to go nowhere. A reasonable length for a wedding toast is two to five minutes. If you have a fairly large group of people who wish to give toasts, urge them to limit their remarks to two or three minutes. While that may not sound long, all of those short toasts can start to add up to a long time. The best time to fit the toasts into the schedule is during the salad course at dinner so people can eat while they listen.

It is not a bad idea to give the people who will speak some hints about what is appropriate to include in a wedding toast – especially if your best man fancies himself a comedian. A good speech involves a few opening pleasantries, such as thanking everyone for coming. It can go on to talk about the first time that the speaker met the bride or groom (only if the story is suitable for guests of all ages!), wish the couple every happiness, etc. At no time should a speaker reveal something personal or embarrassing about the bride or groom or say something embarrassing in an attempt to be funny. Comments from the best man like, “The bride looks so pretty in her dress and wedding jewelry that no one would ever guess she is pregnant!” are never appropriate, whether it is true or not!

Something that will help keep your wedding toasts moving along at a good clip is to put someone in charge. This job can be undertaken by the band leader, m.c., or the best man. That individual should have a list of the order of speakers, so that he can prompt them to come to the microphone in the correct order. It cannot be emphasized enough that wedding guests do not enjoy sitting for a long time listening to toasts, so it is important to keep everything moving along in a timely manner.

Tips for a Successful Wedding Cocktail Hour

Almost every wedding has a cocktail hour between the ceremony and the start of the main part of the reception. A great cocktail hour can help put your guests in a festive mood that will carry over into the reception, while a cocktail hour which does not go smoothly will give guests a poor first impression of your reception. These tips will make sure that your cocktail hour is a grand success…

Plentiful Food. Just because you are serving dinner afterward does not mean you can skimp on the food at the cocktail hour. Guests know to come to a wedding hungry, and if they get to your cocktail hour and find nothing but cheese, crackers, veggies, and dip, they are not going to be happy. Be sure to have a nice variety of hot and cold appetizers, both on stations and passed. And always be certain to allow enough quantity for guests to get their fill of their favorite appetizers. There is nothing worse than running out of food at your cocktail hour, and this is doubly true if you are serving alcohol, because you do not want guests to be downing signature drinks without eating.

A Well-Stocked Bar. It is called a “cocktail” hour, after all, and people will expect to have a good selection of drinks available to them. At the minimum, this means beer, wine, a signature drink, and mixers for standard orders like gin, vodka, tonic, etc. You should also have a good selection of non-alcoholic drinks available for those who prefer not to imbibe. A trend these days is to feature a signature non-alcoholic drink that is enticing enough to encourage guests to pace themselves at the bar. A few other tips: no cash bar, and if you plan to have non-alcoholic drinks only, make a note on the wedding invitations that guests are invited to join you for “mocktail hour” and the reception to follow. This way, no one will be surprised to find themselves at a “dry” wedding reception.

Enough Space. Far too many reception venues try to cram the cocktail hour into a tiny space like a hallway or a side room while they turn over the main room for dinner. This never works! Your guests in their fancy clothing and wedding jewelry do not want to spend an hour packed in like a bunch of fabulously dressed sardines. The space needs to be large enough for guests to comfortably move around and mingle for the cocktail hour to be a success. There should also be enough room to put in some seating and small tables so that people do not have stand and balance their plates the entire time they are eating. Also be sure to space out food stations so that lines are kept short, and everyone will be happy.

The Dos and Don’t of Buffet Wedding Dinners

Some people love buffet style wedding receptions. There can be plenty of variety, they can have seconds on their favorite foods, and if the buffet is arranged well, there can be less waiting than for a seated dinner. On the other hand, some people really dislike buffet dinners, citing long lines, cold meals, too little food, and a lack of elegance. What it really boils down to is that some buffet dinners are planned very well and others are not. Make your reception a success by learning the dos and don’ts of buffet wedding dinners.

Do: Set up the buffet to keep the line moving quickly. Guests detest standing forever in their high heels and fancy crystal earrings waiting to get to the buffet table. A buffet table which is two sided is a great way to keep guests moving through the line quickly. If a double sided table does not fit in your space, another option is to set up two smaller buffet tables instead of one large one. It might require more staff to man, but it is well worth it to avoid a traffic jam at the table.

Don’t: Leave buffet tables unstaffed. Even if you do not plan on having a carving station, guests will appreciate having a few servers available to answer their questions about the dishes. This will also ensure that trays are being replaced quickly when they get low on food.

Do: Keep the hot food piping hot and the cold food icy cold. There is nothing less appealing than a plate of warm temperature chicken in a concealed sauce, unless it is shrimp displayed without enough ice. Warmed plates are a nice touch, as they will keep food warm as guests move through the line and back to their tables.

Don’t: Underestimate how much food you need. This is a cardinal buffet reception sin. What could be worse than standing in a long line, only to get to the table and find that half the dishes are empty? Many brides and grooms opt for a buffet dinner because they think it will be less expensive, but if the buffet is stocked adequately, this is not always the case. People eat more food at a buffet and they take more than they can eat, so there is a lot of waste. Have enough food so the last person in line gets as many choices as the first person in line.

Things to Avoid When Choosing a Reception Venue

These are the top things to avoid when choosing a wedding reception venue…

One: A place which has a lot of hidden fees. Many brides today are on a budget, and they try hard to shop around for the most affordable wedding jewelry and gown, photographer, and also venue. But be sure to do your due diligence on what a low quote includes. Some venues may cost more upfront but the price is the price; other places will quote you an attractively low price per head to get you to sign a contract, but will nickel-and-dime you to death on the other end. Hidden costs to look out for include corkage fees, cake cutting fees, taxes and gratuities, overtime charges, coat check, valet parking, and so forth. Sometimes the cheapest deal in town is not as good as it looks at first glance!

Two: A location which is difficult to access. Sometimes brides will choose gorgeous outdoor settings like mountain tops for their receptions. But before you choose a mountain overlook for your reception, think about how accessible it will be for your guests. Is any hiking over uneven terrain required? How will your beloved grandmother who uses a walker get there? Is the location up a steep and winding mountain road? Do you feel comfortable with your guests driving down the road at the end of the reception in the dark after having a few drinks? Always consider accessibility when selecting a location.

Three: A venue which books back to back events on the same day is definitely a place to avoid. There are just so many things which can go wrong in this scenario. If you have the first wedding of the day, you will be rushed out the door at the end of your time slot, and your guests may even still be there when the staff rushes in to turn over the room. If yours is the second wedding reception in the space, you may arrive to find that the room has not been well-cleaned, has lingering food aromas from the previous event, or is just plain not ready when it is time to begin your reception. Your best bet is to stay away from places which book events so close together.

Four: Beware of venues which demand payment in full just to reserve them for your date. Every reception site will require a large deposit when you sign the contract (50% would not be unreasonable), but you should never be required to pay in full months and months before your event. That can be a sign that the business is in trouble, and there might even be a risk of the venue folding before your wedding and taking your money with them. The customary procedure is to place a deposit to reserve the date and then to pay the balance on a specified date close to your wedding. If a reception hall requires a 100% deposit, run the other way.

Trendy Cocktail Wedding Receptions

What makes a wedding reception cocktail party style? Essentially, it is patterned after a chic cocktail party like they used to have in the 1950s and 1960s. Rather than a full seated dinner, there will be heavy appetizers and drinks, followed by wedding cake. There may be dancing, or if the guest list is small, perhaps just background music for atmosphere. Since the cocktail reception does not have the two separate elements of cocktail hour followed by a seated formal dinner, it will also be a shorter party. For all these reasons, the cocktail reception should be held in the evening, usually following a 7pm wedding ceremony. Indicate on the invitation “cocktail reception” or “hors d’oeuvres to follow” so that your guests will know to eat dinner before the wedding.

Cocktail receptions tend to be very popular with brides and grooms who are 30something or older. They are both very chic and also more affordable for the couple who is paying for their own wedding. The savings on the catering can be significant, since you are essentially hosting just a cocktail hour with appetizers, rather than appetizers followed by an entire dinner. The shorter duration of the cocktail reception may also help reduce the cost of renting the venue, the photographer, musicians, and all of the related expenses. You will even save on centerpieces, since the small round tables which are typical of hors d’oeuvres receptions need less elaborate decorations to look full and lush.

What should the bride wear for a cocktail reception? A very chic dress, of course! This would be the perfect occasion to choose a knee length or tea length wedding dress over a full length gown with a train. A short white lace dress worn with pearl chandelier earrings would be stunning. Another cute idea is a 1950s inspired party dress with a fitted bodice and a full skirt which falls slightly below the knee. Pearl chandelier earrings are a nice update to a classic pearl strand necklace, and of course, you will want a truly fabulous pair of wedding shoes when the gown is not to the floor.

Last but not least, there is the matter of refreshments. When you are offering appetizers instead of dinner, be sure to order them in larger quantities than you would for a cocktail hour followed by a seated meal. While people will eat dinner before your wedding, they will still come to your reception planning to nosh, and the last thing any host wants is to run out of food. A full open bar would be a good idea for a cocktail reception, perhaps with a couple of classic cocktails as the signature drinks (think martinis, Manhattans, and sloe gin fizz). Your guests will be sure to enjoy the ambiance and experience of your hip cocktail party wedding reception!

All About The Wedding Reception

Food, cake, and we’re off! That’s the mentality of most new husbands towards their wedding reception. For brides however, the wedding reception is totally different, and it starts with the wedding reception planning. Would you have ever imagined how much planning you would have to do for your wedding? Your wedding reception takes up quite a bit of that planning. Read more for a few wedding reception planning tips.

Tables! Tables for your reception have to be the right ones, or nothing will look right. Tables have different features and are ideal for different reason and will have to be considered for what you want out of your reception. Popular among the shapes of tables are round ones maybe three feet in diameter or even a very long banquet style table where all the wedding guests sit close together.

Some of your wedding guests may have some kind of food allergies. This most definitely should be taken into consideration. Also are the guests who will not eaten certain food because of other reasons.

For more readings on wedding receptions please visit:

• The Right Tables For Your Reception
• Wedding Reception Centerpiece Ideas
• Dealing With Food Allergies at Your Reception
• Choosing A Wedding Cake

Wedding Reception Basics

Just beginning the wedding planning process? This is the perfect time to learn all about organizing your wedding reception which follows the ceremony. Whether it is a large party or an intimate event, most wedding receptions will include these same basic elements.

Decorations: Decorations include centerpieces and other floral arrangements, candles, and tablecloths. If your wedding will be more formal or grand, you may well have additional types of adornments. These could include rented crystal chandeliers for a bride who loves the sparkle of crystal bridal jewelry and wants to bring that same kind of sparkle to her venue. Other types of decorations could be ice sculptures, fabric to drape ceilings or walls, and custom lighting.

Music: Virtually every wedding reception will feature some sort of musical accompaniment. This could range from a full orchestra, to a d.j., to an ipod, depending on your taste and the formality of your event. Even for short or small receptions which will not include dancing, it is nice to use background music to create ambiance. It could be as simple as recorded music played over the venue’s sound system, or you could splurge on a string quartet or harpist to play during dinner.

Food: What would a party be without food? At the very minimum, the hosts should treat their guests to cake and punch, although most weddings feature much more lavish spreads. Typically, the reception will kick off with a cocktail hour, during which assorted appetizers and drinks will be served, followed by a full dinner. At fancy weddings, there may also be a “Viennese hour” or dessert bar, and almost every reception will have some form of wedding cake.

Other: This category could include anything you need to rent to furnish your party, such as a tent, tables, chairs, and place settings, if not provided by the venue. It would also include wedding favors, place cards and escort cards, and the guest book. These details can range from extremely important (such as tables) to elements which are customary, but not mandatory, such as the guest book. A lot of it will depend on the reception venue and the style of your wedding.

Small Ceremony, Big Reception

Some brides cannot wait for the drama of their grand entrance at the wedding ceremony, as they process down the aisle in front of hundreds of guests. For other brides, not so much! A great way to balance the wish for a very intimate wedding ceremony with the desire to celebrate your marriage with all of your friends and family is to have a private ceremony and a large reception. This is a look at how to plan a small ceremony and a big reception.

There are plenty of reasons why a small wedding ceremony might make sense for you. Maybe you dream of getting married on a sun-swept beach on a far-flung tropical island paradise, and know that only your closest family will be willing to make the trip. Or perhaps you break out in a cold sweat everytime you think about having hundreds of people watching you as you exchange your vows, and want a very low-key ceremony to alleviate your stage fright.  A small, non-traditional ceremony can help in this situation.

For couples who really want an ultra-tiny ceremony, a private service at home with only their parents, siblings, and one or two closest friends might be the way to go. Having a large wedding at home is a massive undertaking, but a very small one can easily be held in your living room with no special accommodations. Have a couple of bottles of Champagne on hand to toast the newlyweds at the end, and everyone can go out to a nice restaurant for dinner. That is all you need for a special private ceremony at home.

After your small ceremony, follow it up with a fabulous reception. Any style will do, from very traditional wedding reception in a country club or hotel to a casual barbeque for three hundred of your closest friends. If you opt for a traditional reception, by all means dress the part. For brides that means beautiful wedding gowns with classic sets of bridal jewelry and either suits or tuxedos for grooms. This is nice for the bride who did not wear a gown for a very small ceremony, as it gives her the chance to get all dressed up in full bridal regalia for the reception (perhaps minus the veil). The small ceremony followed by a large reception may be just the perfect combination for your wedding.

How to Make Your Wedding a Fun Party

Your wedding reception is supposed to be a wonderful celebration following the marriage ceremony. Some receptions are a blast, while others end up falling flat. This is how to make your wedding reception a fun party that your guests will wish would never end.

Keep the food relaxed. There is a strong trend right now towards comfort food served in an elegant fashion. We’re talking mashed potato bars, mac and cheese shooters, tiny grilled cheese sandwiches, mini Angus beef sliders, cones of fresh crisp fries, and all the good stuff. Family style service is also increasingly popular, as compared to the more traditional stuffy seated dinner. And if you really want to keep the party going, bring out late night refreshments like fresh hot donuts or even a hot dog truck.

Plan the music carefully. Have you ever been to a wedding where the d.j. played nothing but lame outdated songs that inspired no one to dance? What about the wedding where just as the party was really getting going, the band took a break and killed the mood? When hiring the musicians for your reception, be very clear about what type of music you do and do not want played. In addition, be sure to have a plan in place for breaks. A band could rotate out members and keep a small crew playing continuously during breaks, or in the case of a band or d.j., an ipod with your favorite tunes can be set up to keep the music flowing while the musicians “take five”.

Provide a lounge area where guests can chill during the reception. This is a fantastic way to transform your reception space into a true party-like atmosphere. The bride can increase the effect by changing into party clothes after the ceremony. Exchange your formal wedding gown and traditional crystal jewelry for a slinky sparkly party dress with more exuberant crystal wedding jewelry. You will be a lot more comfortable for dancing, and the change of clothes will really signal that the party has started.

Finally, when you want to have a fun and lively wedding reception, be sure to add a few elements of surprise. The surprise could be almost anything, as long as it has a “wow” factor, like a Chinese dragon or a fireworks spectacular. Whatever you choose, the big surprise will be just what you need to make your wedding an incredible party that no one will ever forget.