Wedding Etiquette for Divorced Parents
It is extremely common these days that either the bride, the groom, or both will have divorced parents. While hopefully, the families can put their differences aside for one day, there can be some sticky issues that arise. Etiquette to the rescue! With this guide to wedding etiquette for divorced parents in hand, it should make it easier to get through the wedding day in peace.
Beginning with the wedding invitation, when the bride’s parents are divorced, it is customary to list the name of each parent on a separate line, with any new spouses included. There is no point in trying to maintain the fiction that the bride’s parents are still a couple, nor is it acceptable to omit the name of a step-parent, even if the bride wishes that her parents were still married. Regardless of financial contributions, the bride’s mother’s name is listed above her father’s name, in the spirit of “ladies first”.
Speaking of “ladies first”, at the wedding ceremony, it is generally going to be the bride or groom’s mother who occupies the place of honor in the first row or pew for the service. When the parents are divorced, the father will sit in the second row. Each parent can have their immediate family sit with them, and then the rest of the extended family can just be seated in the first available seats by the ushers, just like the rest of the guests.
One of the most difficult situations faced by brides with divorced parents involves the step-parents. Your wedding is one time when it is important to rise above petty differences and be as gracious as possible, which means being sweet and respectful to your step-mother, even if it is done through gritted teeth. For example, if the bride and groom are giving gifts of wedding jewelry to their mothers, it is also necessary to give any step-mothers similar wedding jewelry gifts. To not do so would definitely be a slight.
There are also cases where the bride has been primarily raised by her step-father, but is concerned about hurting her natural father’s feelings by diminishing his role in the wedding. Where this really comes into play is in deciding who should escort the bride down the aisle. The best advice that I can offer is to ask the man who you view as your “real father” to walk you down the aisle, and to let the other parent down as gently as possible. When the bride is truly torn, she will usually enlist her birth father for this special honor over a step-father.
Juggling divorced parents while planning a wedding is never easy, but in most cases, it can be managed well. As long as you try to be thoughtful of all parties involved, you will get through it just fine. And certainly knowing the proper wedding etiquette when questions do arise will help to make your job a bit easier.
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